Botchan 1732 Studios

Japanese · Botchan

六

Chapter 6

302 sentences · 17 notes

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  1. 1

    I can't stand Toady.

    野Toady野 · proper nounhead of the nickname 野だ

    野だ ("Noda") is Botchan's nickname for the art teacher; だ is part of the nickname, not the copula.

    だ(name)だ · proper nounpart of the nickname 野だ
    はtopic markerは · particleparticle marking 野だ
    大嫌いhate大嫌い · adjectivehead of the phrase
    だ(is)だ · auxiliary verbcopula linking to 大嫌い

  2. Japan would be better off tying a pickle-weight to a fellow like that and sinking him to the bottom of the sea.

  3. I don't like Red Shirt's voice either.

  4. He must be putting it on, making his natural voice sound that gentle on purpose.

  5. No matter how much he puts on airs, that face of his ruins it.

  6. If anyone would fall for him, it could only be Madonna.

  7. Still, being the vice principal, he says trickier things than Toady does.

  8. Back at my lodgings, when I turned his argument over in my head, it did seem to make some sense.

  9. He never says anything straight out, so I can't be sure, but it seems he meant that Porcupine is a bad sort and I should watch out for him.

  10. If that's what he meant, he ought to say so plainly — it's not very manly of him.

  11. And If he's really such a bad teacher, Red Shirt ought to have him fired at once.

  12. Some vice principal — a literature graduate with no backbone at all.

  13. A man who can't even say the name out loud when he's badmouthing someone behind his back is bound to be a coward.

  14. Cowards tend to be kind, so I suppose that Red Shirt is one of those womanish, kindly types too.

  15. But kindness is kindness and a voice is a voice — it's unreasonable to write off his kindness just because I don't like his voice.

  16. Even so, the world is a strange place — a fellow you can't stand turns out kind, and a friend you got along with turns out a scoundrel; it makes a fool of a man.

  17. I suppose out here in the country everything runs backwards from Tokyo.

  18. A dangerous place, this.

  19. Before long fire might freeze and stones might turn to tofu, for all I know.

  20. Still, that Porcupine egging the students on doesn't sound like him — he doesn't seem the type for mischief.

  21. They say he's the most popular teacher there is, so if he set his mind to it he could probably manage most anything — but first of all, instead of going about it so roundabout, he could save himself the trouble by picking a fight with me straight to my face.

  22. If I'm in his way, he could just say so — here's the trouble, you're in the way, so quit — that would be simple enough.

  23. Things can be settled by just talking them over.

  24. If his reasons are sound, I'll resign tomorrow if he likes.

  25. This isn't the only place in the world that grows rice.

  26. Wherever I end up, I don't intend to die in a ditch.

  27. Porcupine really is an impossible fellow.

  28. 2

    The one who first treated me to ice water here was Porcupine.

  29. Being treated to ice water by such a two-faced fellow reflects badly on me.

  30. I only drank one glass, so it cost him just a sen and five rin.

  31. But whether it's a sen or five rin, staying in a swindler's debt leaves a bad taste till the day I die.

  32. Tomorrow when I go to school, I'll pay back the sen and five rin.

  33. I owe Kiyo three yen.

  34. Five years have gone by and I still haven't paid back those three yen.

  35. It's not that I can't repay it.

  36. I'm just not paying it back.

  37. Kiyo never counts on my pocket even lightly, thinking I'll pay it back someday.

  38. And I don't intend to make a show of paying it back either, the way you would to some stranger.

  39. The more I fret over this, the more it's like doubting Kiyo's heart, which amounts to the same thing as belittling her lovely nature.

  40. Not repaying her isn't trampling on Kiyo — it's because I think of her as my other half.

  41. Kiyo and Porcupine aren't remotely comparable, of course, but whether it's ice water or sweet tea, accepting a kindness from someone and saying nothing about it is itself an act of goodwill, one that credits the other person as somebody worth respecting.

  42. Where paying your share on the spot would settle the matter outright, silently feeling grateful in your heart is a repayment no amount of money could buy.

  43. Even a man with no rank or title is still a full, independent human being.

  44. And when an independent man bows his head, it ought to be counted a thank-you worth more than a million ryō.

  45. 3

    Even so, I feel I made Porcupine lay out a sen and five rin on me, and paid him back a thank-you worth more than a million ryō.

  46. He ought to be grateful for it.

  47. And yet he goes behind my back and pulls some contemptible stunt — what an outrageous fellow.

  48. Tomorrow I'll go and pay back the sen and five rin, and then we won't owe each other anything.

  49. And once that's settled, I'll pick a fight with him.

  50. 4

    Having thought this far, I got sleepy and fell fast asleep, snoring away.

  51. The next day I had my reasons, so I went to school earlier than usual and lay in wait for Porcupine.

  52. But he was slow in showing up.

  53. Uranari came in.

  54. The Chinese-classics teacher came in.

  55. Toady came in.

  56. Finally even Red Shirt came in, but Porcupine's desk had nothing on it but a single stick of chalk lying lengthwise, quiet as could be.

  57. Meaning to hand it back the moment I stepped into the staff room, I'd carried the sen and five rin all the way to school clenched in my palm like bathhouse fare, ever since I left my lodgings.

  58. I've got sweaty hands, so when I opened my fist the coins were dripping.

  59. Thinking Porcupine would have something to say if I handed him back sweaty coins, I set them on the desk, blew on them, and clenched them again.

  60. Just then Red Shirt came over and said sorry about yesterday, must have been a bother — I said it wasn't a bother at all, in fact it left me hungry, thanks to him.

  61. Then Red Shirt propped his elbow on Porcupine's desk and brought that flat platter face of his right up to the side of my nose, and I wondered what he was up to when he said: keep what we talked about in the boat yesterday on the way back a secret, won't you.

  62. You haven't told anyone yet, have you, he said.

  63. Judging by that womanish voice, he strikes me as a nervous, worrying sort of man.

  64. I certainly haven't told anyone.

  65. But since I already had the sen and five rin ready in my palm meaning to bring the matter up, having Red Shirt gag me on the subject just then was a bit inconvenient.

  66. Red Shirt is a piece of work, Red Shirt.

  67. Even without naming Porcupine outright, he'd dropped a riddle easy enough to guess, and now to call it a bother if the riddle got solved is about as irresponsible as a vice principal can get.

  68. By rights he ought to step right into the middle of the fight I'm about to have with Porcupine and openly take my side.

  69. Only then would he really be a school's vice principal, and only then would wearing that red shirt of his mean anything.

  70. 5

    I told the vice principal I hadn't told anyone yet, but that I meant to have it out with Porcupine — at which Red Shirt got badly flustered and said, you mustn't do anything so reckless.

  71. I never said anything to you outright about Hotta — if you go acting violently here, it'll be a great inconvenience to me.

  72. He then asked, oddly out of step with common sense, whether I'd come here meaning to stir up trouble at the school, so I said, naturally not — drawing a salary and stirring up trouble would embarrass the school too, wouldn't it.

  73. Then Red Shirt, sweating, went so far as to beg that yesterday's talk stay just between us and not go any further, so I agreed: fine, it's a bother to me too, but if it troubles you that much I'll let it drop.

  74. Are you sure, Red Shirt pressed once more.

  75. There's no telling how deep his womanish streak runs.

  76. If literature graduates are all like that, they're a sorry lot.

  77. He makes demands that don't add up, that lack all logic, and sits there perfectly unruffled about it.

  78. And on top of it he doubts me, of all people.

  79. Say what you like, I'm a man.

  80. Do I look like the sort who'd go back on his word behind someone's back? Not a chance.

  81. 6

    Just then the owners of the two neighboring desks arrived, and Red Shirt hurried off back to his own seat.

  82. Red Shirt puts on airs right down to the way he walks.

  83. Even crossing the room he sets the sole of his shoe down softly so as not to make a sound.

  84. It was only then I learned for the first time that walking without a sound could be something a man prides himself on.

  85. It's not as if he's practicing to be a burglar — he ought to just walk like an ordinary person.

  86. Before long the bugle for the start of classes sounded.

  87. Porcupine never did show up.

  88. Nothing for it, so I left the sen and five rin on his desk and went off to the classroom.

  89. 7

    Owing to a scheduling matter the first period ran a little late, and when I got back to the staff room, all the other teachers were sitting at their desks talking.

  90. Porcupine had come in too, before I noticed.

  91. I'd thought he was absent, but it turned out he was just late.

  92. The moment he saw my face he said today I'm late thanks to you.

  93. Pay up a fine, he said.

  94. I took out the sen and five rin that had been on the desk: here, take this.

  95. I set it down in front of him, saying it was payment for the ice water he'd bought me back on Tōri-chō the other day, and he laughed and asked what I was on about — but seeing I was oddly serious about it, he said don't make a stupid joke and swept the coins right back onto my desk.

  96. Well now — trust Porcupine to still be bent on treating me, no matter what.

  97. 8

    “It's no joke, I'm serious.

  98. I've no reason to let you treat me to ice water, so I'm paying you.

  99. How can you refuse to take it?”

  100. 9

    “If a sen and five rin bothers you that much, fine, I'll take it — but why pay it back now, all of a sudden, like you just remembered?”

  101. 10

    “Now or any other time, I'm paying it back.

  102. I hate being treated, that's why I'm paying it back.”

  103. 11

    Porcupine looked at my face coldly and just grunted, hmph.

  104. If it weren't for Red Shirt's request, I'd expose Porcupine's meanness right here and have it out with him properly, but having promised to keep quiet, I'm stuck.

  105. Is there any sense in saying hmph to a man who's gone this red in the face?

  106. 12

    “I'll take the money for the ice water — but move out of your lodgings.”

  107. 13

    “Taking the sen and five rin is all you need to do.

  108. Whether I move out of my lodgings or not is my own business.”

  109. 14

    “Only it isn't your own business — yesterday the landlord there came and said he wanted you to move out, and when I asked his reasons, they made good sense.

  110. Even so, meaning to make sure, I stopped by there this morning and heard the whole story in detail.”

  111. 15

    I hadn't the faintest idea what Porcupine was talking about.

  112. 16

    “How should I know what the landlord told you?

  113. What good does it do settling it all by yourself like that?

  114. If there's a reason, the proper thing is to tell me the reason first.

  115. Don't go saying, right from the start, that the landlord's side makes more sense — that's outrageously rude.”

  116. 17

    “Fine, I'll tell you then.

  117. You've been so unruly that the people at your lodgings have had their fill of you.

  118. She may be the landlady, but she is not your maid.

  119. Sticking your foot out for her to wipe is much too high-handed.”

  120. 18

    “When did I ever have the landlady wipe my foot?”

  121. 19

    “Whether you had her wipe it or not, I couldn't say, but at any rate they're at their wits' end with you over there.

  122. He said ten or fifteen yen in lodging fees would soon turn up if he sold a single hanging scroll.”

  123. 20

    “What a smart-mouthed thing to say.

  124. Then why did she take me in at all?”

  125. 21

    “Why she took you in, I couldn't say — she took you in all right, but now she's had enough, so she's telling you to leave, I suppose.

  126. Do them a favor and move out.”

  127. 22

    “Of course I'll go.

  128. Even if she pressed her palms together and begged me to stay, I wouldn't.

  129. In fact you're the outrageous one, setting me up with a place that would make an accusation like that in the first place.”

  130. 23

    “Either I'm the outrageous one, or you're not behaving yourself — must be one or the other.”

  131. 24

    Porcupine has a temper every bit as short as mine, so his voice came out loud, refusing to lose.

  132. The others in the staff room, wondering what was going on, all stared at Porcupine and me, jaws hanging slack in a daze.

  133. Having nothing to be ashamed of, I stood up and gave the whole room a good looking-over.

  134. While everyone else looked startled, only Toady was grinning like he found it all amusing.

  135. When my big eyes, with a look that said are you spoiling for a fight too, bored straight through Toady's dried-gourd-strip of a face, he suddenly turned dead serious and pulled himself in check.

  136. He looked a little scared.

  137. Just then the bugle sounded.

  138. Both Porcupine and I broke off the quarrel and went out to our classrooms.

  139. 25

    That afternoon there was a meeting about how to punish the boarding students who'd been rude to me the other night.

  140. Since it was my first meeting ever, I had no idea what to expect, but I supposed the staff would gang up, each pushing his own pet theory, and the principal would sum it all up any old way.

  141. Summing up, I gathered, was a word you used for matters where black and white couldn't be told apart.

  142. But holding a meeting over a case like this one, which anyone looking at it would call plainly outrageous, was just killing time.

  143. However anyone chose to interpret it, there was no way a different opinion could come out of it.

  144. For something this obvious, the principal ought to just settle it on the spot.

  145. What an indecisive man the principal is.

  146. If this is what a principal amounts to, then the word is nothing but another name for a wishy-washy ditherer.

  147. 26

    The meeting room was a long narrow room next to the principal's office, one that usually served as a dining hall.

  148. About twenty black leather chairs stood ranged around a long table, giving it something of the air of a Western restaurant over in Kanda.

  149. The principal sat at the head of the table, with Red Shirt stationed right beside him.

  150. The rest, they say, took whatever seat they pleased, though the gymnastics teacher was said always to defer modestly to the far end.

  151. Not knowing the custom, I wedged myself in between the natural-history teacher and the Chinese-classics teacher.

  152. Looking across, I saw Porcupine and Toady sitting side by side.

  153. Toady's face is inferior any way you look at it.

  154. Even though I was quarreling with him, Porcupine had far more character., Porcupine has far more character.

  155. There was a hanging scroll at Yōgen-ji temple in Kobinata, at my father's funeral, that looked just like this face.

  156. When I asked the priest, he said it was a monster called Ida-ten.

  157. Being angry today, he kept rolling his eyes around and glancing my way now and then.

  158. Not about to be cowed by a thing like that, I refused to lose either, and rolled my own eyes right back, and glared right back at Porcupine..

  159. My eyes aren't much to look at, but for sheer size I lose to hardly anyone.

  160. Kiyo used to say often enough that with eyes as big as mine, I'd surely make a fine actor.

  161. 27

    When the principal said, I suppose we're mostly all here now, the clerk, a man named Kawamura, started counting heads, one, two.

  162. One was missing.

  163. I was thinking, 'We're one short,' but of course someone was bound to be missing.

  164. Squash-face Uranari hadn't shown up.

  165. What karmic bond I share with Uranari from some former life, I couldn't say, but ever since I first laid eyes on that face of his, I simply can't forget it.

  166. The moment I step into the staff room, Uranari catches my eye; even walking down the road, his look comes floating up in my mind.

  167. When I go to the hot spring, there's Uranari now and then, his face pale, bloated in the bath water.

  168. When I greet him he humbly says yes, sir, and bows his head, which makes me feel sorry for him.

  169. There's no one at the school as meek as Uranari.

  170. He hardly ever laughs, and he's never once said an unnecessary word.

  171. I knew the word gentleman from books, and always thought it was a thing that only lived in the dictionary and nowhere real — but after meeting Uranari I marveled, for the first time, that it really was a word with a living thing behind it after all.

  172. 28

    Given how deep a connection I felt to him, the moment I stepped into the meeting room I noticed at once that Uranari wasn't there.

  173. Truth be told, I'd secretly come with the idea of sitting next to him, if I could.

  174. The principal, saying he's sure to turn up shortly, untied the purple cloth bundle in front of him and started reading something that looked like a mimeographed sheet.

  175. Red Shirt began polishing his amber pipe with a silk handkerchief.

  176. This is this man's little hobby.

  177. Just what you'd expect of Red Shirt.

  178. The rest of them were whispering to their neighbors about something or other.

  179. Those with nothing to do were scribbling something on the table over and over with the eraser tip stuck on the end of a pencil.

  180. Toady spoke to Porcupine now and then, but Porcupine wouldn't respond at all.

  181. He just grunted a yes or an ah, and every so often turned a scary look my way.

  182. Not to be outdone, I glared right back.

  183. 29

    Just then, at last, Uranari came in looking apologetic and gave the Badger a courteous greeting, saying he'd been delayed a little on some business and was sorry to be late.

  184. Well then, let's begin the meeting, said the Badger, and first had the clerk Kawamura hand out the mimeographed sheets.

  185. Looking it over, the first item was the punishment matter, the second the matter of student discipline, and a couple more articles besides.

  186. The Badger, pompous as ever, put on his best face of the Living Spirit of Education and said something along these lines.

  187. “That there is any fault at all in the staff or students of this school is entirely the result of my own poor virtue, and every time some incident occurs I privately can hardly bear the shame of wondering how I ever manage to serve as principal at all; and that unhappily this school has now brought about yet another such disturbance is something for which I must offer you all my deepest apology.

  188. But now that it has happened, there's nothing for it — some form of punishment must be settled on somehow; since the facts are already known to you all, please state your candid views, for our reference, on what measures ought to follow.”

  189. 30

    Listening to the principal's speech, I marveled — so this is the kind of grand talk that principals and badgers come out with.

  190. If the principal is going to take all the blame on himself like this, calling it his own fault, his own lack of virtue, then he might as well drop the business of punishing the students and get himself dismissed first.

  191. That would do away with the need for a bothersome meeting like this one in the first place.

  192. By plain common sense alone the matter is obvious.

  193. I kept proper watch on my night duty.

  194. The students ran riot.

  195. The one at fault is neither the principal nor me — it's the students, plain and simple.

  196. If Porcupine really did stir them up, then dealing with the students and Porcupine together is quite enough.

  197. Where in the world is there a man who shoulders someone else's backside and goes around trumpeting, it's my backside, my backside — only a badger could manage a trick like that.

  198. Having spouted this string of arguments that made no sense at all, he looked around the room, pleased with himself.

  199. But not one person opened his mouth.

  200. The natural-history teacher was watching a crow perched on the roof of classroom number one.

  201. The Chinese-classics teacher kept folding and unfolding his mimeographed sheet.

  202. Porcupine was still glaring at my face.

  203. If this is what a meeting amounts to, I'd be better off skipping it and taking a nap instead.

  204. 31

    Getting impatient, I decided to speak my piece in the grandest possible fashion and had half risen from my seat when Red Shirt started saying something, so I gave up and sat back down.

  205. Looking over, I saw he'd put away his pipe and was saying something while wiping his face with a striped silk handkerchief.

  206. That handkerchief must surely have been wheedled out of Madonna.

  207. A man ought to use plain white linen.

  208. “I too, hearing of the boarders' misconduct, feel keenly that I have been remiss as vice principal, and I am deeply ashamed that my ordinary moral influence has failed to reach the boys.

  209. Now, matters of this kind arise wherever there is some deficiency somewhere, and while looking at the incident itself it may seem that the students alone are at fault, when you get to the bottom of it the responsibility may in fact lie with the school instead.

  210. So it seems to me that applying severe punishment based only on what appears on the surface might in the end do more harm than good for the future.

  211. And since boys of that age are full of high spirits, brimming with vitality and without much thought of right and wrong, it's not out of the question that they carried out this mischief half unconsciously.

  212. Of course the method of punishment is properly a matter for the principal's judgment, and it is not my place to meddle, but I do hope you will take that much into consideration and arrange, as far as possible, for lenient treatment.”

  213. 32

    The Badger's a badger all right, but Red Shirt's every bit a Red Shirt too.

  214. He's declaring outright that when the students run wild, it's not the students who are at fault but the teacher.

  215. By that logic, when a madman clubs someone over the head, it's because the man who got clubbed was at fault, so the madman clubbed him — that's about the size of it.

  216. What a fine piece of luck for everyone.

  217. If they've got so much energy to spare, let them go out to the field and wrestle instead — I'll be damned if I'll let anyone put grasshoppers in my bedding half-unconsciously.

  218. At this rate, if someone slit my throat in my sleep, they'd let it go too, calling it half unconscious.

  219. 33

    I thought this over and wondered whether to say something, but if I was going to speak, it wouldn't be worth doing unless I could hold forth grandly enough to startle everyone — and it's a habit of mine that once I open my mouth angry, I invariably choke up after two or three words.

  220. Whether it's the Badger or Red Shirt, in character they're both beneath me, but they're both mighty fluent talkers, and it wouldn't be any fun to fumble my words and get caught out for it.

  221. So I set about composing a little speech in my head, just to be ready.

  222. Then I was startled when Toady, who'd been sitting in front of me, suddenly stood up.

  223. For someone like Toady to go stating an opinion was cheek itself.

  224. Toady, in that oily, sing-song way of his, said: “These grasshopper and shouting incidents this time are truly rare occurrences, of a kind that lead us conscientious staff members to harbor secret misgivings for the future of our school, and we, as members of the staff, must at this juncture rouse ourselves, examine our own conduct, and set right the discipline of the entire school.

  225. Given that, the views just expressed by the principal and the vice principal are truly apt opinions that hit the mark exactly, and I am in complete and thoroughgoing agreement.

  226. I do hope, therefore, that we may look forward to as lenient a punishment as possible,” he said.

  227. What Toady said had words in it but no meaning — nothing but a string of Chinese-derived phrases laid out one after another, impossible to make sense of.

  228. The only part I understood was the phrase in complete and thoroughgoing agreement.

  229. 34

    I didn't understand what Toady meant, but somehow it made me furious, and I found myself on my feet before I'd even worked out what to say.

  230. “I am in complete and thoroughgoing disagreement...” I said, but the rest wouldn't come out.

  231. “...Such a cockeyed punishment — I can't stand it,” I added, and the whole staff burst out laughing.

  232. “The students are entirely, completely in the wrong.

  233. If they aren't made to apologize no matter what, it'll become a habit.

  234. Expel them, for all I care.

  235. ...What insolence, treating me like this just because I'm the new teacher...” I said, and sat back down.

  236. Then the natural-history teacher on my right said, weakly, “It's true the students are in the wrong, but going too hard on the punishment might backfire and provoke the opposite reaction.

  237. As the vice principal says, I too favor leniency,” some weak thing like that.

  238. The Chinese-classics teacher on my left said he agreed with the moderate view.

  239. The history teacher said he agreed with the vice principal too.

  240. Infuriating — most of them belong to the Red Shirt party.

  241. It's no wonder, with a bunch like this running the school together.

  242. Since I'd already made up my mind to either make the students apologize or resign, one or the other, I was resolved that if Red Shirt carried the day, I'd go straight home and start packing.

  243. There was no skill in me for talking a crowd like this into submission with mere words anyway, and even if I could, I'd want no part of keeping such company any longer.

  244. If it meant not being at the school anymore, what did I care how it turned out?

  245. If I said anything more, they'd surely laugh again.

  246. So I sat there composed, thinking, let them try and make me speak.

  247. 35

    Then Porcupine, who'd been listening quietly all this while, rose to his feet with sudden resolve.

  248. There he goes, going to side with Red Shirt again, I thought, well, we're due for a fight anyway, do as you please — but instead, in a voice that seemed to rattle the window glass, Porcupine said: “I am in complete disagreement with the views expressed by the vice principal and the other gentlemen here.

  249. Because, view it from whatever angle you like, this incident can only be recognized as the doing of fifty boarding students who set out to make sport of and hold in contempt a certain newly arrived teacher.

  250. The vice principal appears to trace its cause to the teacher's own character, but if I may say so with all due respect, I think that a misstatement.

  251. This teacher's turn at night duty came right at the start, before he had yet been in contact with the students even twenty days.

  252. In so short a span as twenty days the students have had no room whatsoever in which to judge this man's learning or character.

  253. If there had been some legitimate reason he deserved contempt, and contempt had followed from it, there might be grounds to make allowance for the students' conduct — but to overlook shallow students who mock a newly arrived teacher for no cause at all, I think, endangers the very standing of this school.

  254. The spirit of education is not merely to impart learning; I believe it lies equally in instilling a lofty, honest, samurai-like vigor while sweeping away vulgar, frivolous, unruly bad habits.

  255. If we resort to makeshift talk about fearing a backlash or the disturbance growing worse, there's no telling when this bad habit will ever be corrected.

  256. It is precisely to put a stop to such bad habits that we hold our posts at this school in the first place, and if we mean to let this pass, we would have done better never to have become teachers at all.

  257. For the above reasons I hold it the proper course to subject all the boarding students to strict punishment, and further to have them make a public apology in the presence of the teacher concerned,” he said, and sat down again with a thump.

  258. Everyone sat silent, nobody said a word.

  259. Red Shirt started wiping his pipe again.

  260. For some reason I felt tremendously glad.

  261. It was as if Porcupine had said, in my place, exactly everything I'd meant to say myself.

  262. Being the simple sort of man I am, I forgot our quarrel entirely, and looked over at Porcupine, now seated again, with a face full of gratitude — but he wore a look of utter indifference, as if he knew nothing about it.

  263. 36

    After a while, Porcupine stood up again.

  264. “I forgot to mention something just now, so let me add it.

  265. It seems the teacher on night duty that evening went out during his watch and visited the hot spring, and I consider that quite improper.

  266. Once a man has undertaken to keep watch over an entire school, to take advantage of there being no one to reprimand him and go off, of all places, to bathe at the hot spring, is a grave lapse of conduct.

  267. The students are one matter, but on this particular point, I hope the principal will especially caution the person responsible.”

  268. 37

    Strange fellow — no sooner had I thought he was praising me than he was exposing someone else's blunder right after.

  269. Without thinking anything of it, knowing the previous night-duty man had also gone out, and taking it for the custom, I'd wandered off to the hot spring myself — but now that it's put to me that way, well, that was wrong of me.

  270. No help for it if I get attacked over it.

  271. So I stood up again and said, “I did indeed go to the hot spring while on night duty.

  272. That was entirely wrong of me.

  273. I apologize,” and sat back down, and everyone burst out laughing again.

  274. The moment I open my mouth about anything, they laugh.

  275. Sorry lot of them.

  276. Could any of you fellows declare this openly that what you did was wrong? You can't, that's why you're laughing.

  277. 38

    The principal then said that since there seemed to be no more opinions from anyone, they'd give it careful thought and decide on a punishment.

  278. Since I'm at it, let me give the result: the boarding students were confined to the dormitory for a week, and on top of that were made to appear before me and apologize.

  279. If they hadn't apologized I'd have resigned right then and gone home, but as it happened things did go the way I wanted, and that in the end brought on a great deal of trouble.

  280. I'll tell that part later, but the principal, at this point, declared it a continuation of the meeting and said something like this.

  281. The students' conduct must be corrected through the moral influence of the teachers, and as a first step toward that, he wanted the teachers to refrain, as much as possible, from frequenting eating and drinking establishments.

  282. Of course occasions like farewell parties were an exception, but he wanted them to avoid going alone to places that weren't very refined — for instance, soba shops, dango shops — and no sooner had he started saying this than everyone laughed again.

  283. Toady looked at Porcupine, said tempura, and gave him a wink, but Porcupine paid him no attention.

  284. Serves him right.

  285. 39

    I've got a poor head for these things, and couldn't quite follow what the Badger meant, but I did think that if a middle-school teacher can't hold his post while going to soba shops and dango shops, then a big eater like me could never manage it at all.

  286. If that's how it is, fine — they should just find someone who hates soba and dango from the start and hire him instead.

  287. Handing a man his appointment without a word and then, afterward, issuing this cruel decree — don't eat soba, don't eat dango — is a heavy blow to someone like me who has no other pleasure in life.

  288. Then Red Shirt put his oar in again.

  289. “Middle-school teachers, being properly ranked among the upper class of society, ought not to seek merely material pleasures.

  290. Indulging in that sort of thing ends up doing harm to one's character.

  291. But being human, without some form of amusement, there's simply no living in a cramped little place out here in the country.

  292. So one ought to go fishing, or read literature, or compose new-style poetry or haiku — one must seek out some sort of elevated, spiritual amusement, whatever it may be...”

  293. 40

    Listening in silence, he just went on blowing his own hot air, however he pleased.

  294. If going out to sea and fishing for fertilizer, or Gorky being a Russian man of letters, or a familiar geisha standing under a pine tree, or a frog jumping into an old pond, all count as spiritual amusement, then eating tempura and swallowing dango is spiritual amusement too.

  295. Rather than dole out that kind of useless amusement, he'd do better doing Red Shirt's laundry.

  296. I was so worked up I asked him straight out, “Is meeting Madonna a spiritual amusement too?”

  297. This time nobody laughed.

  298. They just made strange faces and exchanged glances with each other.

  299. Red Shirt himself looked down, looking pained.

  300. There, see.

  301. That one landed.

  302. The only one I felt sorry for was Uranari, since my saying that only made his pale face paler still.

The particulars

The text
坊っちゃん, Natsume Sōseki. Botchan.
Translation
Public-domain Japanese (Natsume Sōseki, d. 1916; published 1906). English translation © 2026 1732 Studios, LLC.
Reading aloud
Digital narration, directed by 1732 Studios.
Words
Every word of the text, by letter.
Data
JSON · Markdown · A guide for agents
Two whoopie pies and a pine. An inside joke.