The Games of Life 1732 Studios

Italian · The Games of Life

Per riflesso

By Reflex

1,055 sentences · 11 notes

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  1. 1

    For many long years nothing of interest had disturbed the peace of Larentu Verre's sheep-farm, when an extraordinary event occurred.

    Daforda · prepositionpreposition marking anni
    lunghilonglungo · adjective, masculine, pluralmodifies anni
    anniyearsanno · noun, masculine, pluraloblique complement of turbava (with Da)
    nessunnonessuno · determiner, masculine, singulardeterminer of fatto
    fattothingfatto · noun, masculine, singularsubject of turbava
    interessanteinterestinginteressante · adjective, singularmodifies fatto
    turbavadisturbedturbare · verb, imperfect, indicative, third-person, singularmain verb of the sentence
    latheil · determiner, feminine, singulardeterminer of pace
    pacepeacepace · noun, feminine, singulardirect object of turbava
    delloof thedi il · prepositionpreposition marking stazzo
    stazzosheep-farmstazzo · noun, masculine, singularobject of dello, modifies pace
    diofdi · prepositionpreposition marking Larentu
    LarentuLarentuLarentu · proper nounmodifies stazzo, first part of the name Larentu Verre
    VerreVerreVerre · proper nounsurname completing Larentu, modifies stazzo
    quandowhenquando · subordinating conjunctionintroduces the clause of accadde
    accaddeoccurredaccadere · verb, past, indicative, third-person, singularverb of the quando-clause
    unanuno · determiner, masculine, singulardeterminer of avvenimento
    avvenimentoeventavvenimento · noun, masculine, singularsubject of accadde
    straordinarioextraordinarystraordinario · adjective, masculine, singularmodifies avvenimento
  2. 2

    It was a warm October day.

  3. The women, old Coanna the servant and young Millèna the mistress, were making bread; uncle Larentu had just come back from the fields and stood by the wide-open door, mending the strap of a gun.

  4. 3

    "I'm hungry," he said to his young wife, all the while intent on his work.

  5. "What would you give me, Millè?"

  6. 4

    "What?" asked Millèna, turning to the servant.

  7. 5

    The two women studied each other's faces, questioning one another; then Coanna stood up and said gravely:

  8. 6

    "Would you like a bread with lard?"

  9. 7

    "Excellent!" exclaimed the master.

  10. So aunt Coanna cut a slice of lard on the board used for kneading bread, and made it into little pieces which she arranged over a round, wide loaf of raw dough; then she put the loaf to bake in the oven.

  11. 8

    And servant and mistress watched closely, their faces bent over the mouth of the oven, anxious that it should turn out well.

  12. 9

    But for some minutes Larentu Verre had forgotten his appetite, and neglected his gun, and was looking out through the door, into the distance, with the same attention with which the women looked into the oven.

  13. Suddenly he shouted:

  14. 10

    "Coanna! Come and see something!"

  15. 11

    The old woman was at once beside him.

  16. 12

    "Do my eyes deceive me?" asked the master.

  17. 13

    "Your eyes do not deceive you."

  18. 14

    "Is she coming here?"

  19. 15

    "Here she comes."

  20. "Go and hide; I'll stay!" the woman said proudly.

  21. 16

    "I have no reason to hide myself!" shouted the master, no less proudly.

  22. "You hide, if you like!"

  23. 17

    "There is no reason why I should hide, Larentu Verre!"

  24. 18

    "Nor I either!"

  25. 19

    Meanwhile Millèna had drawn the lard bread to the edge of the oven, and after blowing on it to remove the ash, she too came to look.

  26. 20

    "What is it? Who is it?" she asked, looking outside.

  27. And at once she grew uneasy.

  28. 21

    She saw a woman and a boy coming toward the sheep-farm, along the path traced through the tender green of the plain: the woman wore a poor costume of dark cloth, the boy a modest little suit of fustian.

  29. 22

    Millèna at once recognized in the woman a poor relative of her husband's, who eleven or twelve years before had been a servant on the farm, and had had a son by Larentu Verre.

  30. Everyone knew that only through the instigations and gossip of aunt Coanna, who for forty years had ruled the farm, had the master, no longer young, failed to marry Andreana Verre.

  31. And through aunt Coanna's scheming, he had instead taken as wife a relative of the old servant's, twenty years younger than himself.

  32. 23

    Since their wedding, Millèna had never seen Andreana at the farm, nor had she noticed that her husband remembered the woman and the boy who now came, quiet and composed, along the sunlit path.

  33. 24

    "Why is she coming?"

  34. "What does that woman want?"

  35. "Go away, Larentu Verre, go and hide: I'll stay, go!"

  36. "She's surely coming to ask you for money!" the old servant muttered.

  37. 25

    "My God, my Jesus, my God...." Millèna was saying timidly, sighing.

  38. 26

    Larentu turned: he looked at his wife's childlike face, looked at aunt Coanna's white, wrinkled face; then he began to laugh, but at once seemed to repent of having laughed, and said roughly:

  39. 27

    "Go back to your work, women!"

  40. 28

    Millèna returned at once to the oven, but aunt Coanna did not move.

  41. 29

    "Go on, old woman, mind your own business!"

  42. 30

    "Larentu Verre!"

  43. 31

    "Go on, mind your own business!"

  44. "I'll manage on my own!"

  45. "Go!"

  46. 32

    The old woman moved away reluctantly; but even while staying at the back of the kitchen she kept watching through the door, and muttering.

  47. 33

    "So you don't want to eat, then?" Millèna asked her husband.

  48. 34

    Uncle Larentu did not answer.

  49. He pretended to still be mending the gun's strap, keeping himself very busy; but every so often he looked outside, and felt a vague uneasiness, or rather a dull, secret anger.

  50. 35

    "I know why that woman and that boy are coming," he thought, knotting the strap spitefully.

  51. "Now they're really starting to annoy me."

  52. "The day before yesterday it was the schoolmaster, who let me know that that boy is first in his school, and that I must send him to study."

  53. "Then the parish priest too."

  54. "Let them all go to the devil!"

  55. "Let them put him to work the land, or have him study at their own expense!"

  56. "And that shameless woman who dares come here; just look at that!"

  57. "Well then, let her come!"

  58. "I'll kick her out!"

  59. 36

    And yet, despite his brave resolve, he felt a strange trepidation, not for himself, but for his wife and for Coanna.

  60. He was afraid of the servant, and ashamed before his wife, whose youth and goodness he loved.

  61. 37

    "Well then, let them come!"

  62. "As many kicks as they want!" he repeated to himself, thinking of Andreana and of that boy he did not love: but meanwhile he would have liked to go out to meet them and beg them not to come nearer.

  63. For a moment he hoped the woman and boy would pass straight by the farm, but when he saw them close and heading for his door he stepped back, hung the gun in its usual place, then started to go out.

  64. 38

    "Go and do that other stupid thing," said aunt Coanna scornfully.

  65. 39

    He felt nailed to the threshold.

  66. "Those two" were advancing; there they were by the yard hedge, there they were before the door.

  67. Behind the hedge the dogs were barking loudly.

  68. 40

    "Ave Maria," the woman greeted him humbly, lifting her clear, wide eyes toward Larentu.

  69. 41

    He did not answer, but almost instinctively stepped aside to let the visitors pass.

  70. 42

    Andreana did not hesitate a moment and walked with head held high into that house from which she had gone out dishonored.

  71. She had come to ask for her son's future, and felt a lioness's courage.

  72. But the boy looked, with his big hazel eyes, clear and a little frightened, at that small, reddish man with the spiteful face, who in his fur jacket looked like a malicious fox, and he blushed.

  73. 43

    Despite all her boldness, at first Andreana saw nothing, and after greeting them she fell silent, confused and moved.

  74. 44

    But little by little she regained her courage and looked around.

  75. The kitchen was indeed still the same, plastered with yellow earth, and almost half taken up by the oven: in the corner behind the door the gun still hung; a little further along, a skirt of coarse black wool belonging to the old servant hung from a nail, and beside the skirt a wooden board with a hollow for holding the salt.

  76. There, the granite hearth was still in the middle of the kitchen; through the dirty glass of the window one of the few cork-oaks rising over the plain could be seen.

  77. The dogs were still barking.

  78. Ah, there, she remembered one by one the farm's old dogs: the one whose bark sounded like a hoarse child crying was Maccioni, Larentu's favorite red dog.

  79. Ah, the women were making bread?

  80. She knew the tools they were using; only a paddle of white wood was new.

  81. And aunt Coanna was still the same, the old witch, with her little marten's eyes and her hooked, yellow hands, like a goshawk's claws.

  82. Only two people were new to Andreana in that familiar setting: little Andrea seated beside her, and Millèna seated before the oven.

  83. And although little Andrea and Millèna, red-faced and confused, kept their eyes lowered, they were the only ones who made the brave mother feel ill at ease.

  84. 45

    Uncle Larentu went back and forth, as if looking for something he could not find: and wherever he looked he saw two big clear hazel eyes staring at him, frightened.

  85. But suddenly he actually met aunt Coanna's small eyes, and it seemed to him he would burst out laughing to himself.

  86. 46

    "Well," he thought, "what's happening to you, Larentu Verre?"

  87. "Kick them out, send them away!"

  88. 47

    He stopped, standing before the woman and the boy; crossed his hands behind his back, and asked with irony:

  89. 48

    "Well, what does this visit mean?"

  90. 49

    "I have come...."

  91. "I have come...."

  92. 50

    "Well, why have you come?"

  93. "If you have something to tell me in private, let's go in there; hurry, because I have things to do!"

  94. 51

    She blushed, and answered with a certain pride:

  95. 52

    "It is not a secret."

  96. "In fact I'm glad the women are here, and I wish to speak to all of you, to aunt Coanna too, to everyone: I beg you all to stay."

  97. 53

    Aunt Coanna seemed somewhat mollified, but she stayed alert, watching over the master.

  98. 54

    He took a stool and sat down, resigned.

  99. It seemed to him he had behaved with self-assurance, but he too, like Andreana, felt ill at ease before Millèna and little Andrea, although Millèna and little Andrea did not even dare raise their heads.

  100. 55

    "Well," Andreana began, in a moved voice, "the schoolmaster has already spoken to you about it, Larentu Verre."

  101. "This boy is studious, he has finished all his schooling, and came out first."

  102. "He says he wants to become a professor (the boy blushed again), but he is poor and cannot study."

  103. "So many people have said to me: well, why don't you speak of it to Larentu Verre?"

  104. "He is rich, has no children, and gives so much alms in a year that seven families could live on it."

  105. "Why couldn't he send this boy to study?"

  106. 56

    "Eh," Larentu burst out, "why don't these people who know how to give such advice come to me directly?"

  107. 57

    "But the schoolmaster and the parish priest have spoken to you about it...."

  108. 58

    "Ah, that's true!" he said, remembering.

  109. 59

    The woman went on speaking, humble and respectful, never reminding Larentu that he was the boy's father, but often alluding to their kinship.

  110. 60

    Little Andrea listened, missing not a word of what his mother said and what "that man" answered: and every word of "that man" seemed mocking to him, humiliating, and stirred in his heart an indignant impulse of shame.

  111. He felt as if suspended between heaven and earth, over an abyss: he could not wait to leave, to flee; and he resolved never again to pass near the farm, even at the cost of being a peasant or a shepherd all his life.

  112. But suddenly he forgot all his shame, and raised his frightened eyes.

  113. "That man's" voice had suddenly turned gentle.

  114. 61

    "Well, well, we shall see, we shall see, we'll send him to study...."

  115. 62

    "It would be well for you to think it over... first," said Coanna in a spiteful voice.

  116. 63

    Andrea turned his eyes toward the old woman and felt a surge of hatred: he would have liked to throw himself at her, or claw her.

  117. 64

    "That man's" voice changed tone again; it became almost timid and ashamed:

  118. 65

    "We shall see, we shall see, we'll talk it over in the family again, and then I'll give you a final answer: you may come back, Andreana Verre."

  119. 66

    "I'll come back; when?"

  120. 67

    "When?"

  121. "Well, Sunday morning."

  122. 68

    Andreana and the boy stood up: hope shone in both their eyes.

  123. 69

    Meanwhile aunt Coanna was laying in a basket the bread that Millèna drew from the oven, and did not hide her ill humor.

  124. 70

    "Forgive the trouble," said Andreana, taking her leave; "good day, and God keep you."

  125. 71

    Millèna, who had not opened her mouth, raised her eyes and looked tenderly at the boy.

  126. Then she made a gesture to the old servant, but she answered with a grimace.

  127. But uncle Larentu too understood at once his wife's kind intention; he bent down, took a loaf and, according to the old custom, handed it to Andreana, as he would have given it to any other visitor.

  128. 72

    The woman took the bread and wrapped it in her apron, then said goodbye again and went out, followed by her son.

  129. The dogs barked again, behind the yard hedge.

  130. 73

    "Throw it to the dogs, that bread!"

  131. "Didn't you see the faces that old witch was making?" said the boy.

  132. 74

    "I saw nothing," the mother answered seriously, "but even if I had seen something, I would not throw the bread to the dogs, because Our Lord said not to throw bread to the dogs."

  133. 75

    Andrea shrugged and said nothing more.

  134. 76

    They crossed the plain, already green with the first autumn grasses.

  135. For a long stretch, where lay the meadows that served as pasture for the Verre flocks and herds, only scattered century-old cork-oaks rose, tall, twisted, solitary, lost in the stillness of the gently rolling landscape.

  136. 77

    Thyme, mastic shrubs, and fragrant bushes scented the air.

  137. In the distance other sheepfolds could be seen, other farms, a little white church, the dark village, patches and lines of woods, white roads beaten by the sun; then, further off, mountains veiled by the blue haze of the horizon.

  138. 78

    Many flocks of birds gathered and sang among the branches of the cork-oaks; and at the least rustle they flew off noisily.

  139. 79

    "Is the young woman who was baking the bread 'that man's' wife?"

  140. "Did you notice, mother?"

  141. "She kept quiet the whole time and kept turning red as red...." the boy said suddenly.

  142. 80

    "You didn't speak either."

  143. "Yet you do have a tongue, and a long one."

  144. 81

    "I was ashamed."

  145. "It was that woman, the young one, who signaled to give us the bread: the old witch didn't want to."

  146. "She must be good, aunt Millèna."

  147. "Yes, after all she is my aunt...."

  148. 82

    "Yes, she must be good: but be quiet, every little bush has ears."

  149. 83

    "Am I speaking wrongly, perhaps?"

  150. "I'm only telling the truth."

  151. "Is there perhaps harm in telling the truth?"

  152. "Isn't it true that that old woman is a witch?"

  153. "If on Sunday...." Andrea concluded, threatening, "if on Sunday they don't tell us yes, it will be the old woman's fault... and I...."

  154. 84

    "And you?" asked his mother, turning to look at him.

  155. 85

    "Nothing!" he answered quickly, and changed the subject.

  156. 86

    "Listen, what bird is this?"

  157. "How well it sings!"

  158. "Chiù, chiù, chiù, chiù, chiù, five times, and then it stops, then starts singing five 'chiù's again each time."

  159. "What bird is it?"

  160. 87

    His mother listened, looked.

  161. 88

    "Perhaps a blackbird."

  162. 89

    "No, it's not a blackbird."

  163. 90

    They kept walking toward the village.

  164. By now Larentu Verre's farm was far off, behind the green cork-oak of the plain, but Andrea still saw before him the figures of his rich relatives, Millèna's red face, the pale face and short red beard of "that man" with his fur jacket open over his peasant waistcoat, and above all aunt Coanna's hateful face.

  165. 91

    The poor Verres, as they were called to distinguish them from the rich Verres, lived in a small house built on a rocky rise, surrounded by a low wall over which a wild pear tree leaned.

  166. Before it stretched the countryside, dotted with solitary sheepfolds, fresh and pure after the first autumn rains.

  167. That outermost edge of the village, made up of small dark houses, seemed uninhabited: not a living soul was to be seen.

  168. Only a hen or two pecked at the walls and the stones of the steep lane.

  169. 92

    Andrea's mother climbed swiftly up the steps roughly cut into the rock, opened the door and went back into the house, while the boy, left standing near the wall shaded by the wild pear tree, looked far off, toward the Verre farm.

  170. Confused impressions brushed against his soul.

  171. He did not yet know that uncle Larentu was his father, but several times aunt Andreana had pointed out to him the rich relative who scarcely deigned to greet them, and had told him:

  172. 93

    "He has no children; perhaps he will leave everything he owns to you."

  173. 94

    So Andrea already considered himself Verre's heir, but he did not love that proud relative.

  174. 95

    Andreana, who worked to make a living, took up her spindle again and began to spin, standing on the threshold of the door.

  175. She was a little sad, but calm as always.

  176. Andrea turned to look at her.

  177. His mother, whom he resembled, pleased him greatly; she seemed to him the most beautiful woman in the village, so tall and straight, with copper-colored skin and a somewhat square face; he thought she looked like an Egyptian figure he had seen in one of the schoolmaster's books.

  178. 96

    "Andrea," she said to him, "now you can go to the schoolmaster and tell him what your uncle has promised."

  179. 97

    He shook himself from his contemplation, grew uneasy, and set off without a word.

  180. 98

    They were unforgettable days for him: he could neither eat, nor drink, nor study.

  181. He could not wait for Sunday to come; he hoped, but always, deep in his small soul, a vague feeling of humiliation persisted.

  182. 99

    On Friday morning, quite early, while looking out from the small paneless window of the room where he slept, Andrea caught sight of Verre coming on horseback toward the village.

  183. Many times he had seen "that man" perched like this on his tall gray mare, gun slung across his shoulder; but never before had he felt the emotion he felt that morning.

  184. He imagined that Verre was coming to them, and when the rich relative reached below the window, he held his breath.

  185. But uncle Larentu rode past without stopping, without looking, as always.

  186. 100

    Toward midday, however, the schoolmaster came to the poor Verres, Signor Giacinto Tedde, a handsome young man of twenty, tall and elegant, his face all rosy.

  187. 101

    Seeing him climb the steps in the rock, the little student blushed and felt his heart pound, partly because he felt a keen sense of admiration and respect, both for the young teacher's talent and for his elegance.

  188. 102

    "Well, good day, what news from yesterday to today?" asked the schoolmaster.

  189. 103

    "Please, come up," said Andrea, all ashamed of the poverty of his little house.

  190. But the young man wanted to stay in the kitchen, and did not look around: for which Andrea was grateful to him.

  191. 104

    "No news," said Andreana, sitting down on a stool, and bending forward, her hands folded in her lap.

  192. "But Andrea told me he had seen... 'that man.' Did you see him, sir?"

  193. "Isn't that so, Andrea?"

  194. 105

    "Yes," the boy answered in a whisper.

  195. 106

    "Good!" exclaimed the schoolmaster; then he smiled as if to himself, and gave the great news: "Yes, that man came to see me, and told me he consents...."

  196. 107

    "Ah!"

  197. 108

    "Ah!" mother and son cried together.

  198. 109

    "Yes, he consents."

  199. "But listen to me carefully."

  200. The two poor souls listened with bated breath.

  201. "It seems there was a family council."

  202. "The servant, I think her name is aunt Coanna...."

  203. 110

    "Yes, that's her."

  204. 111

    "Well, it seems aunt Coanna made a great fuss."

  205. "He was well disposed from the very day before, but the servant, as soon as you had left, began to shout, to say that it was the first step, and that Andrea would end up becoming master of everything."

  206. "'I am the master,' Larentu said, 'and precisely because I am the master I want to do this good deed.'"

  207. "And she kept shouting, opposing him."

  208. "And she would have ended up dissuading him, if not for his wife's intervention."

  209. 112

    "Millèna!" said Andreana.

  210. 113

    "That's right, Millèna or Maddalena, I don't know; she must be a very good and devout young woman...."

  211. 114

    "Ah, yes, very devout...."

  212. 115

    "Well, she intervened, as I was saying."

  213. 116

    "'She greatly desires a child,' Larentu Verre told me, 'and she's convinced God has not granted her one because....'"

  214. "In short she said to her husband: send Andreana Verre's son to study."

  215. "Perhaps the Lord, after this good deed, will grant us a child."

  216. "So Larentu Verre made up his mind, and came to give me the answer, asking me to pass it on to you."

  217. "But he makes one condition."

  218. "Listen carefully, Andrea, and think well whether it suits you."

  219. "He wants you to become a doctor."

  220. 117

    A shadow passed over the boy's intent face.

  221. His mother looked at him anxiously: the schoolmaster too looked at him intently.

  222. 118

    What hidden thought was seething at the bottom of that small mind?

  223. What fantastic plans were already passing through that small soul?

  224. 119

    "I'll do whatever he wants," said Andrea, without raising his eyes.

  225. 120

    His mother looked at the schoolmaster, smiling happily; but the schoolmaster raised his eyebrows and shook his head slightly, answering some inner question of his own.

  226. 121

    II.

  227. 122

    The years passed.

  228. 123

    Andrea Verre was attending the University, but for some time he had been living wretchedly because uncle Larentu, having learned that instead of studying medicine his son was following the course in letters, was refusing him all support.

  229. More than studied, Andrea had read: Nietzsche, Bourget, Shelley, Saint Augustine, Horace, a jumble of formidable authors and gentle poets, whose doctrines fermented in his mind like seeds in the earth when spring is about to come.

  230. 124

    For some months he had been scraping by giving lessons in Italian and... mandolin, and led a withdrawn, sad life.

  231. 125

    Because he had entered in vain a competition for a scholarship, and because two newspapers had rejected an article of his, it seemed to him that all his dreams had collapsed.

  232. 126

    He did not suffer from poverty itself, remembering his poor childhood, but he suddenly felt small, humble, lost in the tumult of the great city.

  233. 127

    Once he had seemed to himself a young man of talent: he had begun writing a novel; he had written many verses, had dreamed of fortune: now nothing more.

  234. He grew discouraged, shrank into himself, walked hugging the walls so his worn-out shoes would not be seen, but he felt neither resentment nor shame.

  235. Deep down he hoped that his father (by now he knew that uncle Larentu was his father) would soften and go on supporting him; but he did not want to be the first to humble himself.

  236. It was at that time — it was in early winter — that he read, translated into Italian, Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment.

  237. He began reading the terrible novel on a Sunday, a mild evening but clouded over, misty and sad.

  238. 128

    From the very first pages, he felt a profound impression; it seemed to him he recognized himself in Raskolnikov.

  239. He too was wretched, close to losing his few pupils because of the shabbiness of his clothes and shoes.

  240. 129

    It seemed to him they resembled each other physically too: he too was tall, with fine features and clear brown eyes; and at once he felt a great fellow-feeling, an aching pity, for the immortal Russian student.

  241. But little by little this impression faded: nothing remained in Andrea but the powerful suggestion of the terrible tale.

  242. For two hours he read, living inside the book with his soul held in anguished suspense.

  243. 130

    Every word echoed in his heart, like a voice in an empty place, waking deep echoes there.

  244. Only when the gray light of the melancholy dusk began to fail him did he set down the volume, stand up, shake himself.

  245. It seemed to him he was returning from a distant world, where one suffered and lived with terrible force: the reality of his own life appeared to him in all its desolate meanness, and he felt smaller than usual; a small, mean creature without passions or dreams.

  246. 131

    For a few moments he wandered about his tidy, clean little room, where the frames of some pretty little pictures, and the mandolin turned upside down on a music notebook, glimmered faintly in the last gleam of dusk.

  247. 132

    And he thought of Raskolnikov's little room; that narrow, dusty, stifling hole, which had had so much influence on the murderous student's fate, and he wondered whether in his own colorless existence too, the suggestion of his own bourgeois-clean, comfortable little room might not be having an influence.

  248. 133

    He lit the lamp, took up his reading again, and returned to that distant world, where one lived with a terrible power of feeling.

  249. With every turn of the page it seemed to him he was feeling Raskolnikov's anguishes, his anxieties, his tragic dreams.

  250. 134

    For long hours he lived that strange reflected life, and forgot reality.

  251. He scarcely heard a monotonous, continuous, dull sound, and only when his lamp failed him, and he had to set down the book, did he notice it was raining torrentially.

  252. He lay down, but as soon as he was in the dark, amid that melancholy roar of pouring rain, he felt a great cold, and was again seized by a dark sadness, by the desolation of his mean life.

  253. Thinking again of the resemblance he had believed he saw between himself and the Russian student, he smiled bitterly; no, he was infinitely small before that wretched hero.

  254. And he asked himself a strange question.

  255. 135

    "Would I be capable of a crime?"

  256. "No," he answered himself at once: but he thought: "not out of honesty, but out of weakness, out of cowardice...."

  257. 136

    He did not know why, but a hateful figure passed through his confused mind, like a ghost through the fog: aunt Coanna, the old servant of the farm.

  258. 137

    But it was only a moment: the novel's spell seized him wholly again: remembering the shiver he felt when he had to interrupt his reading to cut the volume's pages, he asked himself: "But why does this book affect me so much?"

  259. "Does it affect every moderately intelligent reader this way?"

  260. "Or am I in some special, perhaps abnormal state, to be affected like this?"

  261. 138

    It seemed to him not.

  262. He thought rather of Dostoevsky's great artistic power: then he remembered a conventional little love story he had written some time before, and he felt himself blush.

  263. 139

    "But why should I blush?" he then asked himself.

  264. "I am a mere boy."

  265. "What have I felt, what have I seen?"

  266. "Nothing; I have always merely vegetated."

  267. "Dostoevsky suffered, he was epileptic, and it is all his suffering, all the phosphorus of his terrible brain, all the fever of his experience that throbs in his pages: he must have committed Raskolnikov's crime, and must have felt all the torments of its punishment, to have been able to write this book."

  268. "Just as he could never have written The House of the Dead without having been there."

  269. 140

    It was at this moment, the instant this idea took shape, that Andrea Verre had the monstrous thought of committing a crime, in order to study its impressions and later write a powerful work from them.

  270. 141

    Aunt Coanna's figure came back to him.

  271. The impression was so strong that for a few moments Andrea forgot everything else.

  272. His heart pounded violently; it was a moment of anguish and terror....

  273. 142

    Then it all faded away.

  274. He laughed at himself, called himself mad, tried to fall asleep.

  275. 143

    He spent a restless night.

  276. He dreamed, woke, then dreamed again, and in the second dream it seemed to him he was awake; he remembered the first dream, and remembered Raskolnikov's dream, when the murderous student weeps in pity for the tormented horse.

  277. 144

    A strange thing; in this second dream it seemed to Andrea he had decided on the crime; not only that, but he was already thinking of how to make peace with his father, so as to get into the farmhouse and murder aunt Coanna: and all the while he was analyzing his impressions so as to reproduce them in the pages of his future book!

  278. 145

    Waking, he felt an indefinable anguish: it seemed to him something monstrous weighed upon his fate.

  279. 146

    But meanwhile, just as in the dream, he tried to analyze his impressions, thinking he would make use of them one day, when his destiny would be fulfilled....

  280. Then he laughed at himself again, and regained full awareness of his own nothingness.

  281. 147

    "Eh," he thought, discouraged and irritated, "I'm mad, just to think of it."

  282. "Even if I committed a crime, I would never be able to reproduce my impressions on paper."

  283. "What good would it do me?"

  284. "I am a small man, and that's all...."

  285. "I am an ordinary creature, of very limited talent, and my destiny will simply run its course, without daring deeds, neither good ones nor bad!"

  286. 148

    He got up, opened the window, returned to his small reality; the monstrous dreams vanished.

  287. 149

    That day and in the days that followed he went on reading the novel, but without hurrying, without feeling again the feverish impressions of the first night.

  288. Raskolnikov appeared to him as he really was, an ambitious and unhappy paranoiac.

  289. 150

    Then he returned the novel, and little by little the impressions he had felt grew pale and vanished.

  290. 151

    Yet, after that reading, a strange change came over him.

  291. Vague plans, ideas for work, sudden humiliations, aching tendernesses fermented in his soul.

  292. The humble, tender music of the mandolin, certain poems, certain voices, certain visions, caused deep emotions in him, sometimes sad, sometimes joyful.

  293. 152

    He isolated himself even more, fell into a kind of waking dream.

  294. 153

    Sometimes, alone in his little room, while outside the city rumbled like a sea stirred by spring winds, he played the mandolin, bending his soul toward distant voices that moved him.

  295. He thought of his distant homeland, of its green, silent landscapes, of the plain dotted with sheepfolds and cork-oaks, of the little house on the rock, where his mother spun while praying for him; and it was then that he felt sudden tendernesses, humiliations, and long-forgotten longings.

  296. 154

    Meanwhile his poverty was growing.

  297. He had to sell books, keepsakes left to him from happier days of old, and finally the mandolin.

  298. 155

    His pupils began to fall away because he was growing wild and unsociable, avoiding his companions, no longer attending the University or seeing the few people he knew.

  299. 156

    It was at that time that a strange letter from his mother reached him, and that he thought once more, intensely, of Rodion Raskolnikov, to whose fate he again compared his own.

  300. 157

    The letter, badly written by his mother, read as follows:

  301. 158

    "It is over a month since you wrote me a postcard, and since then I have heard nothing more of you, which keeps me uneasy and worried; I think you must be ill or some other misfortune has befallen you.

  302. I am sending you this money order for thirty lire; I am letting you know I spent twenty-two days at Signor Tedde's house, tending to his wife, who was giving birth.

  303. 159

    Between the payment and the tips I received on the day of the baptism, I put together almost forty lire; I'm sending you thirty of them, because I need the other ten myself.

  304. Signor Tedde had a baby boy, a very beautiful one, with more hair than I have ever seen on a newborn child.

  305. 160

    We named him Nicola Andrea, and Tedde, who is as merry as a fish, sends you his warm greetings.

  306. 161

    I must also tell you that Millèna Ibbas, Larentu Verre's wife, has died.

  307. Poor thing, she was very good, as innocent as a little girl, and everyone in the village wept over her death.

  308. They say that lately Larentu Verre, who is always drunk, mistreated her badly, because she had had no children.

  309. They assure me that Millèna always used to say to her husband: 'Since you want children, why don't you acknowledge Andrea? God has punished you precisely for your sin.'

  310. And that he used to answer: 'I'll acknowledge him when you drop dead.'

  311. But I think these are only village gossip; in any case, perhaps it's better for her that Millèna is dead.

  312. Larentu Verre nonetheless seems very sad: I saw him yesterday; he wears his greatcoat, its hood pulled down over his face, and keeps his beard long, as a sign of mourning.

  313. I will tell you now how and why I saw him.

  314. He came to our house yesterday, at dusk, and proposed that I go to work as a servant on the farm, because aunt Coanna is very old and has no more strength.

  315. I did not hide my astonishment from him, and told him aunt Coanna would eat me alive.

  316. He then told me: aunt Coanna will stay in her place.

  317. So I replied: no, it would be a scandal if I came to live at the farm: people are spiteful and would gossip.

  318. He answered: let people gossip; besides, the mill will not lack for water.

  319. 162

    With these words he meant that he would end up marrying me.

  320. 163

    So I told him I would write to you to learn your opinion.

  321. 164

    He, rather angry, said: just watch, that starveling will turn up his nose at it!

  322. 165

    I begged him to let me think my situation over carefully first; and this morning I made careful inquiries with Anna Ibbas, Millèna's cousin, who visits the farm often.

  323. I asked her: for the soul of the poor dead woman, find out clearly what intentions Larentu Verre has toward me.

  324. 166

    Anna confided to me that Larentu Verre had honest intentions, and that he had told aunt Coanna of his wish to marry me, because the farm needs a mistress.

  325. 167

    That serpent of an aunt Coanna, Anna Ibbas told me, protested and shouted: you're mad!

  326. There's no need to marry that woman!

  327. Offer her a place here in your service instead, and she won't believe her luck!

  328. 168

    All this may well be false, but Anna Ibbas is a devout woman, she resembles the dead woman, and I believe her sincere; so I have almost decided not to accept Larentu Verre's proposal.

  329. But I want to know first what you think of it.

  330. I am no longer a young girl, and I know how to do my duty, and besides aunt Coanna, already so old, will die soon, and Larentu will end up keeping his promises; that is why I would not want to anger him, not for my own sake, who no longer count for much now, but for yours."

  331. 169

    Andrea did not finish reading.

  332. He twisted the letter nervously, and flung it away.

  333. 170

    "Cowards, cowards, cowards!" he said aloud, clenching his fists.

  334. "And she who is so foolish, so saintly-foolish!"

  335. "For my sake! For my sake! For my sake!..."

  336. 171

    A convulsion of rancor and desperate anguish seized him: all the rancor and anguish that had been silently gnawing at him for so long.

  337. He shut himself in his little room and threw himself on the bed.

  338. He could not reread the letter; the mere sight of it caused him a feeling of humiliating shame, like that he had felt the day his mother had gone to beg for him for Larentu Verre's shameful charity.

  339. 172

    Now he pictured again "that man" as his mother had described him, hood pulled down, his reddish beard long and sparse, his lips livid and his eyes reddened by drink; and he felt a physical disgust at it: beside him the old servant leered.

  340. 173

    It was then that, all at once, the idea of killing aunt Coanna came back into his mind; and it seemed to him he had been brooding this idea in the unconscious depths of his soul, through all that time of poverty and melancholy.

  341. 174

    III.

  342. 175

    Aunt Andreana Verre was spinning, standing before her door, at the top of the little rocky rise.

  343. She had aged a great deal, but kept her pleasant Egyptian-looking features.

  344. In those days she was awaiting her son's return; he had written to her that, taking his Easter holiday somewhat early, he would come to spend a month with her; but she knew that Andrea was coming back to stop her from going into service at the farm, and that he perhaps, for lack of means, would never leave again.

  345. 176

    Ah, she knew well the proud character of the one who, to her, was still always a boy!

  346. Even if Larentu Verre married her, which was highly improbable as long as aunt Coanna lived, Andrea would refuse all help.

  347. 177

    Meanwhile she had cleaned the little house from top to bottom, put the wool blanket with its yellow and black stripes on Andrea's bed; had scrubbed the bench beside the hearth, under and on which stood the kitchen utensils; and finally had made white bread, and bought eggs, sugar and coffee.

  348. 178

    The boy had no bad habits, did not smoke, but drank a great deal of coffee.

  349. So all of Andreana Verre's savings had gone.

  350. Now she awaited her son's arrival, but with anxious sadness: she felt instinctively that Andrea was unhappy, and that the clean little house, the hot coffee, the well-made bed, would not be enough to cheer him.

  351. 179

    And indeed Andrea arrived, drank the coffee, saw the yellow blanket on the bed, but did not cheer up.

  352. 180

    His mother followed him with an uneasy gaze: he seemed like a stranger to her, so pale, gaunt, badly dressed, and she felt both pain and a kind of awe at it; an awe he had never imposed on her before, when he used to come back handsome and well dressed.

  353. 181

    "Well," he asked, once he had put his things away, "what news do you have for me?"

  354. 182

    "What do you want me to tell you, my son?"

  355. "The news is always the same."

  356. 183

    "Has that man not come here again?"

  357. 184

    "He hasn't come again, but he often passes along this road, and always looks up here."

  358. 185

    "Why does he look?"

  359. 186

    Andreana blushed a little, because uncle Larentu truly did pass back and forth looking at her like a boy of fifteen in love.

  360. 187

    "What do you want me to say!"

  361. "Since he knows that you will decide whether I am to go into his service or not, perhaps he looks to see if you've arrived."

  362. 188

    "That man dares so much?..." Andrea burst out, his eyes flashing; but at once he checked himself, and said: "Well, tell me more exactly what he said to you the day he came here."

  363. 189

    "Well then."

  364. "He was sitting there, where you are now; I here," said aunt Andreana, and repeated what she had already related in her letter, not a word more, not a word less.

  365. 190

    While she spoke, Andrea gazed far off, out through the door, and seemed not to be listening.

  366. Vague, confused images passed before his sad eyes: through the wide-open door a branch of the wild pear tree could be seen, its greenish buds bursting open; further off, a strip of the plain, green and damp, blooming with pale narcissi; and beyond, far beyond, a line of silvery sky.

  367. 191

    An infinite sweetness lay in that strip of plain, in that flowering branch outlined against the bright sky; Andrea gazed on, and when his mother stopped speaking, he asked:

  368. 192

    "Has the plum tree in the neighboring garden bloomed too?"

  369. 193

    "But... I don't know, I haven't noticed!" she said, somewhat astonished.

  370. 194

    So he went outside to see whether the plum tree had bloomed.

  371. 195

    The tree leaned over the wall, to the right of the small rocky rise; white and greenish buds, here and there opened into small white blossoms, covered its twisted branches.

  372. Andrea gazed long at the plum tree, then turned his eyes over the plain, all green.

  373. The broom shrubs were beginning to flower, and some meadows were so white with daisies they seemed covered with snow; large flocks of birds passed through the mild, still air.

  374. 196

    For so many years Andrea had not seen the plain's springtime.

  375. Since when?

  376. For so long a time!

  377. And perhaps this was the last spring he would enjoy.

  378. 197

    At this involuntary thought his face darkened, and he felt vanish that tender feeling of joy he had felt in looking at the green meadows and the flowering trees.

  379. 198

    It seemed to him that an inner voice, dark as thunder, was calling him back from his momentary forgetting of his tragic destiny.

  380. 199

    The fixed idea, forgotten for a moment, seized him again.

  381. 200

    He went back to stand before the little house, beside the wild pear tree, and remembered the distant day when his mother had taken him to the farm, and his instinctive feeling of hatred for the old servant.

  382. He said to his mother, in a harsh voice:

  383. 201

    "You will not go to that farm even if we should have to starve to death."

  384. "Yes, I myself will take charge of answering that wretch."

  385. 202

    "Andrea!" the woman pleaded, coming close to him.

  386. "Think...."

  387. 203

    He understood, and grew angry.

  388. 204

    "No!" he shouted, shaking his head, "if you want to have another child, don't think of marrying 'that man'!"

  389. "I am ashamed to carry his name!"

  390. "I am ashamed to be his son, and I will never allow you to...."

  391. 205

    "Besides," said Andreana, a little bitterly, "as long as aunt Coanna is alive, there's no danger that...."

  392. 206

    Andrea seemed to grow calm as if by magic.

  393. 207

    "What a brute I am!" he thought.

  394. "Is this how I mean to make peace with him, so as to be able to get into the farmhouse?"

  395. 208

    Later Andrea asked for news of Signor Tedde.

  396. 209

    "He is happy as a lark," said aunt Andreana.

  397. "The baby is growing wonderfully, and the schoolmaster dotes on him."

  398. "Ah, he really is a happy man."

  399. "You know he married the richest girl in the village: he has a house that looks like a church."

  400. "But of course, you'll go see him this very day, and you'll see...."

  401. 210

    Andrea smiled, remembering the admiration and awe the schoolmaster used to inspire in him.

  402. 211

    Andreana had not finished speaking when Tedde arrived, in a dazzling deep-blue overcoat and a white satin tie fastened with a small gold arrow.

  403. He embraced the student and kissed him on both cheeks, and Andrea felt his sense of superiority mixed with a small grain of envy.

  404. But a grain that dissolved at once.

  405. They went out together and began discussing many things.

  406. Andrea showed himself skeptical and ironic.

  407. 212

    "What can one do?" he kept repeating.

  408. "Living in the great cities one loses every poetic feeling, or at least the measure of sentiment given by the quiet life of small villages, and especially of the countryside."

  409. "One loses even pride, that pride which is simply a useless romanticism."

  410. "At most one becomes either ambitious or indifferent."

  411. 213

    Tedde looked at him somewhat astonished, and did not tell him how changed he found him, but felt compassion for that pale, gaunt young man, and reproached himself bitterly for having helped make him a misfit.

  412. He thought:

  413. 214

    "He could have become a good workman, and instead we have made him into a poor, unproductive thinker, a skeptic, perhaps an anarchist!"

  414. 215

    To make some amends for the harm done, Tedde thought it well to invite his former pupil to dinner.

  415. 216

    But at first Andrea refused, almost scornfully; then he thought:

  416. 217

    "Perhaps he thinks I'm ashamed to go to his house, because my clothes and shoes are worn out," and he accepted.

  417. 218

    Evening was falling, mild, a little hazy.

  418. Passing again before his own little house, Andrea turned, and said, laughing:

  419. 219

    "Once I was ashamed to live there: I wanted my mother not to receive her in the kitchen, you know!"

  420. "How angry I used to get!"

  421. "Now I'm no longer ashamed of anything."

  422. 220

    The other did not know what to answer.

  423. 221

    "And you're living in the new house now, aren't you?"

  424. 222

    "Yes."

  425. "I wanted to rent it out, but the old house was too uncomfortable to live in."

  426. 223

    "Yes," said Andrea, following his own train of thought, "I've sold everything I had, clothes, books, even the mandolin."

  427. "If 'that man' persists in his idea, I won't be able to leave again."

  428. 224

    "Let's hope he changes his mind: besides, your mother must have written to you,... must have told you that...."

  429. 225

    "Oh, I don't even think about it!"

  430. 226

    "No."

  431. "You must think about it."

  432. "It's just, and natural."

  433. "If only that old witch weren't there!"

  434. "But let's hope she dies soon."

  435. 227

    Andrea felt struck by these words.

  436. 228

    "Is she perhaps ill?" he asked, in a deep voice.

  437. 229

    "No; but she's decrepit: only spite keeps her alive!"

  438. 230

    "If only she would die first!" Andrea thought with joy.

  439. He hated the old woman doubly; because he held her the cause of all his misfortune, and for the obsession her memory stirred in his soul.

  440. 231

    They walked a little in silence, along the village's main street.

  441. 232

    Here and there rose humble little houses, hedges, trees beginning to flower.

  442. The street was deserted: the houses, the hedges, the trees faded into the silvery haze of evening.

  443. 233

    A long chain of thoughts passed rapidly through Andrea's mind: at last he felt an overpowering need to speak, somehow, of what he was thinking.

  444. He began by asking:

  445. 234

    "Do you have some good book to have me read?"

  446. "I remember you always used to buy the latest thing: and now, especially!..."

  447. 235

    "Now that I'm rich," the other said jokingly, "I don't buy anything anymore!"

  448. "But if you want it, I have a new book, Tolstoy's Thoughts."

  449. 236

    "I've read almost all of Tolstoy's books," said Andrea, "the ones the Thoughts are drawn from."

  450. "Not all of Tolstoy's ideas suit me: some in particular would have been more convincing if he had expressed them in his youth."

  451. "An old man who would forbid the young what he himself did in his youth doesn't sit well with me."

  452. 237

    "That's true; but if he himself hadn't felt the disastrous effects of certain passions, he couldn't have described them."

  453. 238

    "That's true too," said Andrea, sinking back into his own idea.

  454. "I recently read Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment: a terrible book."

  455. "The author must certainly have experienced what he wrote; otherwise such power of suggestion would be impossible."

  456. "There's a woman," he said after a moment, lowering his voice, "that sordid victim, whom I compare to aunt Coanna."

  457. 239

    As soon as these words were spoken he regretted them; it seemed to him he had revealed a little of his secret.

  458. 240

    "I don't know, I haven't read it," said Tedde.

  459. 241

    "Better that way!" thought Andrea.

  460. 242

    He turned the conversation aside, and so they arrived before the schoolmaster's house, a new single-story cottage, painted blue, with doors and windows of yellow wood, glimpsed between two flowering almond trees, and looking like a fairy's little house, set in springtime country.

  461. 243

    They went in.

  462. Andrea already knew Tedde's wife, a girl of sixteen, delicate and pretty, with reddish hair and a dimple on her chin.

  463. 244

    "Maria Maddalena," her husband said to her, "here's our professor: show him the baby."

  464. 245

    She brought the baby, fat, red, tightly swaddled from neck to feet with his little arms bound inside, the corners of his tiny mouth dripping a milky drool.

  465. 246

    Andrea truly had not wished to see him, had not even thought of it: but seeing him he stared at him for a long while, then looked at the mother and thought she resembled the Madonna in Simone da Pesaro's Holy Family.

  466. 247

    "He's healthy, very sturdy," said the father, lifting the baby's little bonnet, "look how much hair he has: a baby has never been seen with so much hair."

  467. 248

    "My mother wrote to me about it," said Andrea, brushing the baby's hair with a finger.

  468. 249

    "Well then, Maria Maddalena, this professor is staying for dinner with us."

  469. "What will you give us?"

  470. 250

    "Whatever there is!" she answered, a little timidly.

  471. "It's certainly not what one might find in the cities!"

  472. 251

    "In the cities there's hunger," answered Andrea, laughing a little bitterly.

  473. 252

    Signor Tedde was struck by these words; he gave his wife a reproachful look, then tried to distract the young man: "Would you like to see my house?" he asked him.

  474. 253

    The rooms, furnished with a certain luxury, still smelled of whitewash and new timber: the beds were covered with oriental fabrics, in dazzling stripes of blue and yellow.

  475. 254

    But instead of being distracted, Andrea grew sadder.

  476. 255

    Back in the dining room, Tedde set down the lamp, and said:

  477. 256

    "Now let's find the best way to make peace with uncle Verre."

  478. "I think it's an easy thing."

  479. "Deep down that man isn't bad; he's only weak; he never makes up his mind unless someone or other pushes him."

  480. 257

    Andrea stared with strange intensity at a sideboard of glossy white wood, and did not answer.

  481. 258

    Tedde went on:

  482. 259

    "Now uncle Verre has given himself over to wine and spirits."

  483. "He used to drink heavily even before, but now, since his wife's death, he's always drunk on brandy."

  484. "We must catch him at a lucid moment; but I believe that the moment he sees you he'll be moved."

  485. 260

    "Never!"

  486. "I don't want to see him!"

  487. 261

    "What?"

  488. "So you want him to humble himself before you?"

  489. "Come now, you're no longer a boy, Andrea; and besides, what were you saying a moment ago? That in the big cities one loses one's pride and takes one's own good wherever one finds it?"

  490. "Did you say this or not?"

  491. 262

    "Fine; and then?"

  492. 263

    "And then, and then!"

  493. "If you listen to my advice, you'll only have to stretch out your hand to grasp your fortune."

  494. "Let's arrange the best way to meet with uncle Verre."

  495. 264

    "Let's arrange it, then," said Andrea, resigned.

  496. 265

    "As I told you, toward evening he's always drunk, and no longer reasons at all."

  497. "I was also told that aunt Coanna, once a certain hour comes, locks him in his room, because he says strange things."

  498. "You know the foolish rumor that has been going round the village for so many years."

  499. 266

    "What rumor?"

  500. 267

    "Bah, the business about the contractor!"

  501. 268

    "I truly know nothing about it."

  502. 269

    "What, you know nothing!"

  503. "Is it possible?" exclaimed Tedde, astonished.

  504. 270

    "Word of honor, I know nothing!" Andrea affirmed.

  505. 271

    "Well, it's one of the usual bits of malicious foolishness, you know; they say that when the royal highway was being surveyed, the contractor once traveled with uncle Verre, who was poor at the time."

  506. "The contractor, they say, had thirty thousand lire in his pocket: he was found murdered."

  507. "Well now, it's said that uncle Verre, when he's drunk, talks of nothing else but this affair, and wants to leap on his horse to go back to the place where the contractor was murdered."

  508. "They say: remorse!"

  509. "Rubbish!"

  510. "I believe instead it's a symptom of alcoholism, if it's even true that uncle Verre talks that way."

  511. "He's been influenced by the village's foolish rumors, and when he's drunk he believes himself guilty."

  512. "I seem to have read that a similar phenomenon occurs in some alcoholics."

  513. 272

    "I think I've read that too," said Andrea.

  514. And he began to defend "that man" with such vehemence, railing against the gossip of the small village, that his face turned livid, his voice hoarse.

  515. 273

    Tedde stared at him fixedly, uneasy.

  516. It seemed to him that in his former pupil's brain the terrible seed of madness was bursting into flower.

  517. 274

    Back home, Andrea went straight to bed and fell deeply asleep.

  518. He was dead tired.

  519. 275

    But deep in the night he woke as if from a nightmare, with an anguished weight on his heart.

  520. The first thing he remembered were Tedde's words about Larentu Verre:

  521. 276

    "Deep down that man isn't bad; he's only weak, and never makes up his mind unless someone or other pushes him."

  522. 277

    "I too am like that," thought Andrea.

  523. "I am a worthy son of 'that man'."

  524. 278

    Then the story of the contractor came back to his mind: and a sudden light, quick and terrifying as the flash of lightning, struck terror into his soul.

  525. 279

    "I am the son of a murderer," he thought.

  526. "And it's from some dark instinct that that man has always struck me as repulsive."

  527. "Is it atavism, then, that puts guilt in my blood?"

  528. "It isn't hatred, it isn't some horrible artist's scheme, it isn't poverty; it's only atavism driving me!"

  529. "I will carry out my crime, because this is my destiny!"

  530. 280

    He recalled the day's impressions; his arrival, his proud sadness, the momentary forgetting before the spring landscape, the sense of envy and melancholy felt in the schoolmaster's house, the anger at hearing the story of the contractor.

  531. "I thought I didn't believe it," he thought, "but I was deceiving myself."

  532. 281

    "In defending that man I was lying, or rather I was defending myself."

  533. "So I am capable of lying, of pretending, of envying, of being afraid!"

  534. "What will I do now?"

  535. "Am I a criminal or am I an artist?"

  536. 282

    He fell back asleep at dawn, without having really answered his own questions.

  537. 283

    IV.

  538. 284

    As soon as he got up, the first person he saw from his little room's window was, precisely, his father.

  539. 285

    Uncle Larentu was coming across the misty plain, perched on his tall gray mare; he too had aged a great deal, his beard almost white, his face brutalized, his eyes red: reaching the little house he looked around, up, down; then went on his way.

  540. 286

    "He must know I've arrived," thought Andrea, surprised to feel no scorn at seeing "that man" again.

  541. 287

    The plain was all covered in mist; a thin, silvery, luminous mist.

  542. From his little window Andrea saw a short, hazy horizon, against whose silvery background a few trees with blurred branches could barely be made out: the scene was sweet, poetic, but the young student no longer felt the joy of spring, as he had felt it the day before.

  543. "What will I do today?" he asked himself.

  544. He resolved to write, to take a few notes on the landscape he saw, on the impressions he felt; but then he smiled at his own idea.

  545. 288

    He went down to the kitchen.

  546. His mother was not there, but coffee was boiling on the lit hearth; a pretty black-and-yellow-spotted kitten was darting about the kitchen, waging a vain battle against its own tail, which it could not catch.

  547. 289

    A deep silence reigned; through the small window in the door a misty background could be seen; it seemed as if the world ended there.

  548. 290

    Andrea sat by the fire, took his coffee, watched the kitten's games: childhood memories came back to his mind.

  549. 291

    "How many dreams I've had here, sitting by the fire!"

  550. "I was ambitious and proud, there's no denying it, I was ashamed of this little house, I dreamed of building a palace here, and dressing my mother in a lady's clothes."

  551. "The years have passed in vain, and here I am again, poor and small as I was as a boy!"

  552. "Except that then I was happy, and now I am no longer!"

  553. "If only I had remained a simple villager, a worker of the land, an unthinking creature!"

  554. "Well," he then thought, "after all, am I perhaps a sentimentalist?"

  555. "I am weak, I am cowardly, I am small, that's all!"

  556. "Why did I come back?"

  557. "To commit a crime, study my impressions like some hero of Bourget's, and write a terrible book about it?"

  558. "Nonsense, monstrous dreams!"

  559. "No, I came back because I had neither the courage nor the will to face life, to struggle against poverty, to make myself a place in the world."

  560. "My soul is rudimentary, fierce and weak like a child's soul."

  561. "I am a sketch of a man; I am full of contradictions and I lie to myself continually."

  562. "As long as I had enough to live on with 'that man's' money, I believed myself to be something, but it was plain to see what I'm worth once it came to living without anyone else's help!"

  563. "And now here I am, and the coffee I drink, the bread I eat, everything, everything is the product of my mother's labor, of that woman I dreamed of making a lady and mistress of a palace!"

  564. "And yet, even understanding all this, and being ashamed of it, I lose myself in monstrous dreams; I do not want to humble myself, I do not want to admit my ineptitude, my weakness; I do not want to submit to 'that man'!"

  565. "So as not to lessen myself in my own eyes, I tell myself that if I accept Larentu Verre's peace and help, it will only be in order to get into the farmhouse, and to commit a crime there."

  566. "I am still lying: because I feel I will not commit the crime, and it is the help I want, nothing else."

  567. "Andrea Verre, tell yourself the truth, say that you are a madman, and get up, and go, and humble yourself, and stop being a fool."

  568. "Well then, yes, I will go this very day."

  569. 292

    Thinking all these things, he finished sipping his coffee.

  570. He set the coarse cup down on the bench, and suddenly felt happy.

  571. 293

    "He'll hand over the money again, I'll leave once more, I'll buy back the mandolin, my clothes, my books; life will be beautiful and gay again."

  572. 294

    He felt like a different man: he forgot the past, yesterday, the morbid idea of the crime, and the certainty that this idea had come to him through atavism.

  573. 295

    Still seated by the fire, he waited for his mother's return.

  574. Outside the mist was thinning: amid the silvery haze appeared patches of bright blue sky, green stretches of plain, gleaming trees.

  575. 296

    Andrea was thinking with pleasure of the excursions he would take during that holiday; and meanwhile he amused himself with the kitten, throwing it little balls of paper, and dragging his foot along to make it come running.

  576. The kitten crouched flat, sprang forward, leapt, clung with its whole body to the student's foot, and bit his shoe.

  577. And he, who had come back to his village to commit a horrible crime, amused himself childishly with the kitten's games!

  578. 297

    Aunt Andreana came back around nine.

  579. She noticed at once that Andrea was in good spirits, and gave him some happy news.

  580. 298

    "That man is in the village: he's at Signor Tedde's."

  581. "Be careful, my son," she then said, looking at him pleadingly, "perhaps they'll send for you."

  582. 299

    He did not answer, but stood up, went outside and waited, almost anxiously.

  583. 300

    "Will they send for me?"

  584. "So much the better."

  585. 301

    A little later, indeed, Tedde's servant brought a note.

  586. 302

    "Andrea, L. V. is here with me: he has the best intentions in the world, and wishes to see you.

  587. Come, I'm waiting for you, come at once.

  588. 303

    Your Tedde."

  589. 304

    He went.

  590. 305

    Tedde and uncle Larentu sat in the dining room, before the table on which a little crystal decanter full of brandy gleamed.

  591. 306

    Andrea looked at his father, looked at the decanter, then fixed his scornful eyes on the schoolmaster's, who answered with an eloquent look, and a slight movement of his hands, which meant:

  592. 307

    "What can you do?"

  593. "It was necessary!"

  594. 308

    "Here's our professor!" the schoolmaster then said, turning to uncle Larentu.

  595. 309

    Verre looked at Andrea, examining him from head to foot.

  596. 310

    "Why won't you shake my hand?" he shouted, crossing one leg over the other.

  597. "And yet your shoes are worn through, and your elbows are begging for mercy."

  598. 311

    Andrea held out his hand, in silence, then sat down far from his father, who reeked strongly of brandy.

  599. 312

    Uncle Larentu went on staring at him, with red, glassy eyes.

  600. 313

    "And yet you are my son!" he burst out.

  601. "It's useless for you to be ashamed of me."

  602. "Why?"

  603. "Why are you ashamed of me?"

  604. "Do you perhaps think I'm drunk?"

  605. "Do you think I'm a fool, and that I didn't see the look you gave this good man just now?"

  606. "And now do you think I don't see the disgust you feel?"

  607. 314

    "Stop it," answered Andrea, annoyed and disgusted.

  608. "Tell me instead why you had me come here."

  609. 315

    "Why did I have you come here?"

  610. "To see your shoes and your clothes, and your pockets too!"

  611. "I see clearly: they hadn't deceived me."

  612. "Is it true you've even gone hungry?"

  613. "Ah," Verre then exclaimed tenderly.

  614. "You have gone hungry, and in my house, in your father's house, God's own bounty was thrown to the dogs — but why do I say to the dogs?"

  615. "To the dungheap, it was thrown, God's bounty: the milk, the cheese, the bread, and so many other things."

  616. "And my son was going hungry!"

  617. "Andrea, little Andrea, see what pride comes to!"

  618. 316

    Andrea made a gesture, wanted to speak, to shout, but held himself back.

  619. After all, what use was there in growing angry at that unhappy, unaware man, brutalized by alcohol?

  620. 317

    "Let's get to the point," Tedde broke in.

  621. "Here's Andrea, and he asks your forgiveness: isn't that right, Andrea!"

  622. 318

    "It's true."

  623. 319

    "Good; now uncle Verre earnestly wishes you to resume your studies and make up the lost time."

  624. "He leaves the choice of career to you, so long as you do him honor."

  625. "Now you'll stay in the village a few more days, then you'll leave again."

  626. "From the city you'll write often, giving news of yourself, of your studies; meanwhile, this very day, uncle Verre is ready to pay over the sum needed to supply you with clothes, books, for the journey and the fees."

  627. 320

    Tedde spoke so that uncle Larentu would understand; and uncle Larentu, by way of answer, put his hand to his purse.

  628. 321

    "Everything, everything you want," he said, moved.

  629. "How much is needed?"

  630. "A hundred, two hundred lire?"

  631. "A hundred scudi?"

  632. "Speak."

  633. "Uncle Verre is rich, he'll give whatever's needed."

  634. "Uncle Verre isn't deaf."

  635. "Speak up, my son; my money isn't dog's money, but when it's a matter of an only son!..."

  636. "Although," he added, opening his wallet and peering inside it, "although you did look at Signor Tedde that way!"

  637. "Why did you look at him like that?"

  638. "Because the brandy is here?"

  639. "Brandy doesn't do any harm: it does good, in fact!"

  640. "It's other things that do harm, my son."

  641. 322

    He took two red banknotes from his wallet, unfolded them, laid them on the table, and went on:

  642. 323

    "Well, yes, I get drunk."

  643. "What harm is there in that?"

  644. "Do you think I'm ashamed of it?"

  645. "Don't I get drunk on my own wine?"

  646. "You mustn't worry about that."

  647. "You go, study, enjoy yourself, ask for whatever you want."

  648. "Uncle Verre is as rich as the sea, and will send you whatever you like."

  649. "You become a great professor; when you come back I'll be dead, I'll be inside this flask; do you see this flask?"

  650. "It's full of lizards: do you see them?"

  651. 324

    Andrea gave a shudder.

  652. 325

    "He's seeing lizards," he thought bitterly.

  653. "So he's more than drunk: he's already delirious."

  654. "And I am to take his money?"

  655. "Never, never, never!"

  656. "It's a fraud, it's a crime, a base act."

  657. "I want nothing, I, I want nothing."

  658. 326

    He stood up abruptly, began pacing up and down the room, agitated, indignant.

  659. 327

    Uncle Verre followed him with his eyes, and went on addressing senseless speeches to him.

  660. 328

    "Andrea," said Tedde in a grave voice, "take the money your father is giving you."

  661. "It's yours."

  662. 329

    Andrea came closer, took the money, and put it in his pocket.

  663. 330

    "Good!" exclaimed uncle Verre.

  664. "That's the way!"

  665. "Besides, I'm glad you're so proud: young colts are always proud."

  666. "But you'll grow tame too, oh, you will grow tame!"

  667. 331

    "Oh, and how!" said Tedde.

  668. 332

    "What do you mean by that?" Andrea turned, still indignant, "but I'll never be a coward!"

  669. 333

    "Who's saying that?"

  670. "Come now, sit down and let's reason a little."

  671. "Here, my wife is sending us coffee."

  672. "Uncle Verre, then, wants you to go to the farm to spend a few days there."

  673. "The country festivals are starting now; there's fun to be had."

  674. 334

    "You're indignant because you think I'm drunk," uncle Verre kept repeating, his eyes still fixed on Andrea's face.

  675. "Well, you're mistaken, upon my faith."

  676. "I'm as sound as a fish."

  677. "Sit here, drink coffee, brandy, whatever you like, but drink."

  678. "What is a man who doesn't drink?"

  679. 335

    "A man who doesn't drink ought not to be a fish," he added, pouring himself a glass of brandy, and laughing as if to himself.

  680. "But you don't drink and you're a fish because you don't talk."

  681. "Yes, even when you first came to the farm with your mother, you kept quiet."

  682. "But you had such eyes!"

  683. "'Those eyes!...' poor Millèna used to say."

  684. "Enough, let's not recall this foolishness."

  685. "Those eyes!"

  686. "How they looked at Signor Tedde!"

  687. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

  688. "Let's drink."

  689. 336

    He gulped down the brandy and went on talking.

  690. Andrea kept obstinately silent, but little by little his indignation faded.

  691. 337

    "Why should I be indignant?" he thought.

  692. "I knew well enough that he's a drunkard; and after all he's right; I mustn't worry about it."

  693. "I'll go away again in a few days, far off, where I won't see or hear any of this anymore."

  694. "The worst of it is that, if he keeps on like this, he'll drop dead before long."

  695. "And it's necessary that, before that, he think of my situation."

  696. 338

    Tedde too, as soon as they were alone, expressed the same idea to him.

  697. 339

    "You took offense," he said to him, "but you were wrong."

  698. "If he wasn't drinking at my house, he'd be drinking somewhere else, and not putting his hand to his purse in your favor."

  699. "You must think of your own affairs."

  700. "He won't live long."

  701. "Go to the farm, since he wants it, go and try at least to secure enough to let you finish your studies."

  702. "Go, go, you'll do well."

  703. 340

    "I'll go," Andrea promised.

  704. 341

    But he did not go.

  705. 342

    Back home he gave his mother the money; and then sank back into his usual daydreams.

  706. 343

    "We need to get you clothes and shoes," said his mother.

  707. "Do you want to go to the nearby town yourself, or shall I go?"

  708. "Will you go?"

  709. 344

    "No."

  710. 345

    "Then I'll go."

  711. 346

    She went, on foot, and bought a modest summer suit, a fine pair of yellow shoes, and a light-colored hat.

  712. 347

    Andrea was not satisfied: he turned the hat, the shoes, the suit over and over in his hands; he grew angry because the colors were too light, then he laid it all out on a chair, and put on only the shoes.

  713. 348

    The days went by.

  714. He would remain hour after hour absorbed in gloomy contemplations, either silent or irritated.

  715. He often sat on a stone, a book in his hands, before the wall over which the flowering plum tree rose against a background of purest bright sky.

  716. Spring breathed in the mild air; wild scents of grass, sharp and almost irritating, rose from the plain, carried on the breeze.

  717. 349

    Andrea saw only the clusters of white plum blossoms and that bright wall and that infinite, diaphanous sky; but behind that so-quiet background, in his imagination he saw distant landscapes, vast and solitary plains, where spring reigned triumphant.

  718. 350

    And down there, and there behind that azure background, in those vast and solitary plains, enlivened only by the flight of partridges, the fox's nighttime cry and the scops owl's sobbing call, amid the scrub covered in violet flowers, he would have liked to go down, lie on the grass, and fall asleep.

  719. 351

    He felt overcome by a kind of morbid drowsiness, and everything that called him back to reality irritated him.

  720. 352

    Tedde came looking for him almost every day, but Andrea avoided him, hid from him.

  721. 353

    Uncle Verre too kept passing every day below the little house, like a man in love, perched on his tall mare, from which he often threatened to fall.

  722. If he saw Andrea he would greet him, would say to him:

  723. 354

    "So when will you let yourself be seen, then?"

  724. "Tomorrow?"

  725. 355

    "Tomorrow," Andrea would answer, cold and indifferent.

  726. 356

    That tomorrow never came.

  727. 357

    Almost every day Verre sent gifts to his son: fresh cheese, lambs, butter, honey; aunt Andreana received it all gladly; people gossiped, saying that Andrea had come to the village precisely to force his father and mother to marry.

  728. 358

    Andrea, however, lost in his own seventh heaven, noticed nothing: with Horace in his hands, he dreamed before the hazy depth of the horizon, and it seemed to him he was unhappy because he could never compose verses like Horace's!

  729. 359

    One day, however, he shook himself out of his torpor.

  730. 360

    The weather had changed.

  731. Monstrous clouds hung heavy over the gray horizon, and the wind was cruelly stripping the plum tree's flowering branches.

  732. 361

    "I'm a fool," thought Andrea.

  733. "Why do I let time pass like this?"

  734. "I must leave again."

  735. "If I won't be a Dostoevsky or a Horace, I'll be something else."

  736. "For now I'm a fool."

  737. 362

    He packed his bag and decided to leave the day after Easter.

  738. 363

    V.

  739. 364

    For Easter day uncle Larentu hoped for a visit from his proud son.

  740. 365

    "I'll make my will in his favor, but he must humble himself, he must come here, or else let him go to the devil! Is he perhaps ashamed of his father, that ragamuffin?" Verre would say; but all the while he felt a secret tenderness at the thought that Andrea would come.

  741. 366

    Because of the mourning, aunt Coanna had not prepared, as was customary for the occasion, the bread and the flatbreads of flour and fresh cheese, and the honey sweets; but on Easter day uncle Larentu ordered a good dinner and wanted all the farmhands to celebrate.

  742. He too went to Mass: on his return he hoped to find Andrea at the farm, and was astonished not to see him.

  743. 367

    "He'll come later," he thought.

  744. 368

    In the kitchen dinner was being prepared: whole lambs were spitted on the skewers, ready to be roasted.

  745. 369

    Aunt Coanna, helped by a pale young servant girl who had two thick braids wound around her head, was cooking the blood sausages and the lambs' innards.

  746. Nofre, a gaunt, earth-colored farmhand, with an enormous mouth shadowed by a sparse, budding mustache, was helping the women.

  747. 370

    The farmhands hoped Andrea would come, and were glad at the thought.

  748. 371

    But the hours passed and Andrea did not come.

  749. Many beggars wandered around the farm, asking for alms with a certain insolence.

  750. And since it was Easter, bread, wine and meat were handed out to them in abundance.

  751. 372

    But uncle Larentu was growing uneasy: Andrea did not come; did that ragamuffin perhaps need to be dragged here by the hair?

  752. Still uncle Verre kept waiting, and did not drink.

  753. 373

    Toward midday he called aunt Coanna aside, and after some hesitation asked her advice.

  754. 374

    "Should we send for him?"

  755. "What do you say?"

  756. 375

    "I say no."

  757. 376

    Then he grew angry.

  758. 377

    "You say no, old witch?"

  759. "Oh, do you think I'm drunk?"

  760. "I say yes, instead, and if you don't keep to your place I'll kick you like a dog."

  761. "It's time to put an end to this, understand?"

  762. 378

    The old woman shrugged.

  763. 379

    "He hasn't drunk yet and he's already drunk," she thought, sighing.

  764. 380

    "Well then, no!" uncle Larentu then shouted.

  765. "No, I won't call him, I don't want him!"

  766. "May he go off in a thousand boatloads of devils!"

  767. "Have the table set, aunt Coanna, and give everyone drink, because today is Easter."

  768. 381

    "We knew it!" she said ironically.

  769. 382

    "No, I'm waiting for no one."

  770. "Was I perhaps waiting for someone?" uncle Larentu exclaimed spitefully.

  771. He got up, went to the cupboard, and drank a glass of brandy.

  772. 383

    It was the first.

  773. At dinner he kept on drinking; he laughed, shouted, at times cheerful, at times choleric.

  774. His face grew red, an earthy red, brick-colored.

  775. 384

    "I'm waiting for no one," he said to the farmhands.

  776. "Do you perhaps think I'm waiting for someone?"

  777. "Say it, then, if you have the courage!"

  778. "Who are you?"

  779. "Worms!"

  780. "If I lift my foot I'll crush you all like frogs."

  781. 385

    "Be quiet, be quiet, for pity's sake," aunt Coanna advised, "or Easter will end badly."

  782. 386

    And the farmhands ate, drank, and stayed quiet.

  783. 387

    But uncle Larentu then grew tender, and said:

  784. 388

    "Who do you think I'm waiting for?"

  785. "I am alone."

  786. "Ah, last year who would have thought this Easter would pass like this?"

  787. "You are so many wretches, so many beggars, but the apostles too asked for alms, and Jesus Christ sat among them."

  788. "With this I don't mean to say I'm Jesus Christ, but you are here around me like the Apostles, and you eat my bread and my lambs."

  789. "Respect your master, then, because otherwise I'll spit you on the skewer, shoot at you, crush you."

  790. 389

    "But," asked Nofre, "when do you shoot?"

  791. "Before or after spitting us?"

  792. 390

    Someone laughed, hiding behind his companions' shoulders.

  793. 391

    "Who's laughing?" shouted the master.

  794. "You be quiet, Nofre, big mouth!"

  795. "I'll spit you alive, I'll shoot at you before and after."

  796. "What now! What now!" he then began to bellow.

  797. "Who's laughing?"

  798. "Who laughs at his master?"

  799. "I'm going to get my gun."

  800. 392

    He set off, staggering, toward the corner by the door where the gun hung; but the farmhands held him back and calmed him.

  801. Little by little he fell into a heavy sleep, and for the whole evening the farmhands drank and made merry to the master's health.

  802. 393

    Around ten at night, Andrea, who was already in bed and meant to leave the next day, was woken by loud blows struck on the door of the little house.

  803. 394

    He got up, looked, saw with astonishment that a villager was pounding desperately on the door, and asked him what he wanted.

  804. 395

    "I come from the farm," said Nofre.

  805. "Uncle Larentu Verre is about to die."

  806. "Come, your lordship; there's a great commotion at the farm."

  807. 396

    "What's happened?" asked Andrea.

  808. 397

    "Well, uncle Verre got drunk, then he woke up, drank some more and went to bed."

  809. "A little later he wakes up again; he shouts, calls for help, falls to the floor, writhes like a cat...."

  810. 398

    "It's the delirium tremens," thought Andrea.

  811. Then he asked: "Has the doctor come?"

  812. "What did he say?"

  813. 399

    "Yes."

  814. "He said to call your lordship, because uncle Verre, if he has two more attacks, will die."

  815. "Come, do us this charity!"

  816. 400

    "I'm not coming."

  817. "What can I do?" said Andrea, almost angrily.

  818. 401

    "Ah, don't say that!"

  819. "Come, come!"

  820. "If you don't come, who do you expect will?"

  821. 402

    These words struck the student.

  822. Aunt Andreana too, having come to the door, urged her son to go to the farm.

  823. 403

    After some hesitation Andrea set off with the servant.

  824. It was a mild, hazy night; the moon was sinking behind faint white mists; over the solitary plain not a sound could be heard, not a leaf stirred; the air was fragrant with the fresh scent of narcissi.

  825. 404

    Andrea and the servant walked in silence, with long strides.

  826. 405

    Vague, strange thoughts leapt, so to speak, through Andrea's mind.

  827. Every so often he looked at the servant's figure, black against that glow of veiled moonlight, and wondered:

  828. 406

    "What is this man thinking?"

  829. "Why did he come to call me?"

  830. "What idea does he have of me?"

  831. "I didn't know him before now, but who knows how much he must have thought about me, the bastard son of his master!"

  832. 407

    "Ah!" he then said to himself, "I'm not even thinking that perhaps at this very moment 'that man' is dying; the victim of his own vice, yes, but dying."

  833. "He is my father, and I feel no pity for him at all!"

  834. "That means I don't love him, not even as a fellow human being!"

  835. "Love him? My fellow man?"

  836. "I have no fellow men, and I love no one!"

  837. "I feel neither the need nor the will to."

  838. "I am alone; alone in my own world."

  839. "Am I, then, a strong man?"

  840. "No."

  841. "If I had been strong I would have dared!"

  842. "I came back with the idea of committing a crime, and instead I haven't even dared go to the farm."

  843. 408

    "But then again," he thought next, "if I am alone, if I will always be alone, why should I seek out extraordinary sensations, study, write, create works of art?"

  844. "We try to rise and make ourselves known in order to improve our position, that is, to attract the attention of our fellow men and win their goodwill, so that they give us their love and their money."

  845. "I want nothing, indeed I wish that no one pay attention to me."

  846. "I am superior to everyone."

  847. "I remember, once I went into a church packed with a crowd, where a fashionable young priest was preaching."

  848. "Everyone pretended to be listening to the word of God, but in reality they were all there, crammed together, warm with sin, gathered out of vanity, out of curiosity."

  849. "A flock of sheep!"

  850. "I wanted to climb up into the pulpit and spit on that whole crowd!"

  851. "To spit, that's all!"

  852. 409

    But a memory struck him.

  853. 410

    "Ah, there it is!"

  854. "Raskolnikov too used to say these very words often!"

  855. 411

    "Raskolnikov!"

  856. "Well, why not admit it?"

  857. "In some ways I resemble him; and I too would like, like him, to commit a crime, an act of strength, only to test my own courage, for myself, only for myself."

  858. "To write, to study, to triumph, not for others, but for myself."

  859. "But in killing aunt Coanna, I would not be displaying the calm and terribly cold strength of pure intellect alone, because it was hatred, in part, that drove me to the idea of killing the old servant and not some other person."

  860. "I have always hated aunt Coanna, ever since I first saw her; and besides, she was the cause of my being cast adrift in the world."

  861. "Well then, no, this crime would be nothing but a crime of passion, and what I want is to commit a crime that is purely experimental."

  862. "Here it is: to go out, meet some individual (it doesn't matter if man or woman, old or young); yes, any man at all, never seen before, who has never done me any harm, whose very name I don't know: go up to him, take his life!"

  863. "And then? Well, and then?"

  864. 412

    Andrea kept walking with long, rapid strides; sometimes followed, sometimes preceded, by the servant.

  865. Immersed in his strange thoughts, he was unaware of the road, and no longer paid any attention to his companion.

  866. 413

    But once they reached a rise, at a point where the road widened, white in the glow of the veiled moon, Andrea looked at Nofre.

  867. 414

    "What if I killed this man, here, now?" he thought.

  868. 415

    But it was a flash: a shiver of terror froze the student.

  869. 416

    "Am I mad?"

  870. "Why these ideas?"

  871. "Why these mad ideas?"

  872. "Always, always?"

  873. "Is it an obsession?"

  874. "Besides, I'm a coward."

  875. "I trembled with horror at the mere thought of carrying out an act which had seemed to me so easy!"

  876. 417

    But suddenly his thoughts cleared; he looked around, remembered where and why he was going, saw the farm nearby, and began chatting with the servant.

  877. His voice was gentle, almost moved.

  878. 418

    But Nofre, who had heard it said that the master's son was an odd one, was afraid of upsetting him, and so answered barely yes or no to the questions Andrea put to him.

  879. 419

    "I'm the one who got him to come, you know."

  880. "There wasn't a living soul who'd agree to come!" he boasted nonetheless to another farmhand, as soon as they reached the farm.

  881. 420

    Andrea was shown at once into the sick man's room.

  882. Aunt Coanna and the black-braided servant girl were keeping watch, the latter deathly pale and trembling.

  883. Uncle Larentu, lying on the bed still dressed, held his eyes wide open, motionless, full of terror: at that moment he was fully conscious, but the terror of the fits he had endured still stiffened him; and he feared falling back asleep, because it was precisely with sleep that the horrible visions of delirium came upon him.

  884. 421

    Andrea drew near, laid a hand on the pillow, and bent over the sick man.

  885. 422

    "What's wrong with you?" he asked.

  886. 423

    Uncle Larentu looked at him for a long while, with those dilated eyes of his, full of fright; and seemed not to recognize him.

  887. 424

    Andrea felt something stir within his chest and close his throat; and to his amazement he realized that, instead of disgust, as he had feared, his father stirred pity in him.

  888. Those eyes, that face, how sad they were!...

  889. Aunt Coanna drew near, and bent over the sick man too.

  890. 425

    "Here he is, come at last, don't you see him?" she said.

  891. "Don't you recognize this young man?"

  892. 426

    "Sit down," uncle Larentu then said to him, still staring at him fixedly.

  893. 427

    "What did the doctor prescribe?" Andrea asked, turning to the old woman.

  894. 428

    "He wrote a prescription which we've already sent to the pharmacist."

  895. "He also ordered him to be purged, and then given only milk to drink, plenty of milk."

  896. "He'll come back tomorrow morning."

  897. 429

    While aunt Coanna spoke, Andrea watched her with a kind of stupor and paid no attention to her words, wholly intent on his own thoughts and impressions.

  898. 430

    "If this woman only knew!" he thought.

  899. "If she knew!"

  900. "And yet her figure, up close, doesn't stir in me the impression of hatred it used to stir in me from a distance."

  901. 431

    He sat down, silent.

  902. Aunt Coanna too went back to her place, and for a while a grave silence reigned in the room, lit by an oil lamp.

  903. Andrea gazed straight ahead, saw a gray door, could make out on that door a slightly rusted lock, and saw nothing else.

  904. And he thought:

  905. 432

    "So much the better if this old woman is a matter of indifference to me."

  906. "Now I'll turn to these women and say: there's no need for you, go to sleep; all of you go to sleep, I'll keep watch alone."

  907. "Then the old woman will open that door and probably withdraw into the next room."

  908. "The other servant withdraws too; this man rests, everyone sleeps."

  909. "Then I get up, I walk on tiptoe.... ah!..."

  910. 433

    He sprang to his feet, pale with fear.

  911. 434

    Uncle Larentu had let out a small cry of fright: the delirium was seizing him again: in an instant he threw himself off the bed; his face turned gray, in his eyes a light of madness flashed.

  912. 435

    "He's hidden there," he said in a timid voice.

  913. "For three days he's been there, in the wardrobe, for three days."

  914. 436

    "Who? Who? there's no one, don't be afraid!" said Andrea, holding him up.

  915. 437

    The servant women rushed over, but the young one was turning corpse-pale and her teeth were chattering with the terror that shook her.

  916. 438

    "That's how it started," said aunt Coanna under her breath.

  917. "Now the convulsion is taking hold of him again."

  918. "Hold him up, my son, make him sit down."

  919. 439

    "He's there, he's there, let's go and look; no, no, he's there, in the wardrobe: he's armed."

  920. "But I'm armed too, look," said uncle Larentu, drawing out and opening his long, sharp knife that looked like a stiletto.

  921. 440

    "There's no one there, calm yourself, come, let's go and look," said Andrea.

  922. Uncle Larentu clung to his jacket, and followed him, trembling.

  923. 441

    They looked everywhere, even under the bed.

  924. 442

    "Who is he afraid of?"

  925. "Whose is this ghost he sees?"

  926. "The contractor's, perhaps?"

  927. "I must pay close attention now, study this interesting phenomenon," Andrea was thinking, while all the same he felt his heart pounding hard, from pity and from fear.

  928. He feared his father might die in his arms: it seemed to him he felt death's mysterious breath around him, and he felt an inexplicable terror at it.

  929. 443

    Having made the round of the room, the sick man seemed to calm down; he sat down by the bed, and held out the knife to Andrea.

  930. 444

    "Take it from me," he said, "hide it, I don't want to see it anymore."

  931. "I'm afraid."

  932. 445

    Andrea took the knife, closed it, and put it in his pocket.

  933. 446

    "What are you afraid of?"

  934. "We've seen there's no one there."

  935. "Stay calm."

  936. "Do you want to lie down?"

  937. 447

    "No."

  938. "I won't lie down."

  939. "I'm afraid of the attack coming back."

  940. "Ah, don't go away, stay here, stay close."

  941. 448

    "I'm here, I'm here."

  942. 449

    "Stay here, yes," uncle Larentu went on, panting, trembling.

  943. "I'm afraid, don't leave me."

  944. "I waited for you and you didn't come."

  945. "I'm not drunk, you know, I don't want to drink anymore, never again!"

  946. "Stay here beside me.... Ah, there he is, he's there, in the wardrobe, he's there, with green eyes.... ah, ah, ah!"

  947. 450

    He gave three cries of horror, and his face contorted; and before Andrea could hold him up he fell to the ground, seized by indescribable convulsions.

  948. As he fell he clutched at Andrea's jacket once more and tore off a button, which he kept clenched in his rigid fist.

  949. 451

    "How horrible, how horrible!" the young servant girl screamed, in a hysterical shriek; and fainted.

  950. Aunt Coanna looked at her with contempt.

  951. 452

    "Damn it, now I have to look after you too!" she said.

  952. 453

    Meanwhile the farmhands had rushed into the room, and were holding the master still: they managed to get him seated on the floor, and in that position he came to.

  953. 454

    Deathly pale, Andrea watched, wringing his hands, distressed at being unable to give help or advice.

  954. 455

    "Run, go and fetch the doctor back," aunt Coanna kept repeating, bent over uncle Larentu, whose whole body still had nervous spasms running through it.

  955. 456

    "Go to the devil," said Nofre, annoyed.

  956. "What do you expect the doctor to do for him?"

  957. "Graft him his own soul back, perhaps?"

  958. 457

    Meanwhile no one was paying attention to the servant girl, who still lay fainted on a bench and seemed to be sleeping.

  959. 458

    Little by little uncle Larentu recovered: with his mouth open, his eyes frightened, he began looking now at one farmhand, now at another, like a wondering child; then he stared long at Andrea, and finally looked down at the ground, raised himself, and set about anxiously searching for something.

  960. 459

    "What are you looking for? What is it?" asked Andrea, bending down and searching instinctively himself.

  961. 460

    Uncle Larentu was looking for the button, and had no peace until he found it and gave it back to his son; Andrea took it, and wept; then he helped straighten uncle Verre's clothes, and get him seated, propped against the bed.

  962. 461

    "Why don't you bring that poor girl round?" he then asked, looking at the fainted servant.

  963. 462

    They brought her round, and aunt Coanna said to her in a harsh voice:

  964. 463

    "Get out of here, you little bread-dough of a woman!"

  965. "And you call yourself a woman?"

  966. "And you're thinking of taking a husband!"

  967. "And a drunkard of a husband, at that!"

  968. "You'll see plenty more of this; your husband will die right under the bed, and you won't so much as blink."

  969. "Get out of here, go to sleep."

  970. 464

    The servant girl was trembling all over.

  971. 465

    "I have never seen anything so horrible!" she murmured.

  972. 466

    "You'll see far more horrible things than that, if you live long enough."

  973. "Go!"

  974. 467

    "What's her fault in it?" said Nofre to the old woman.

  975. "Not everyone can have a heart of black stone, like yours."

  976. 468

    "Go on, get out of here!"

  977. 469

    And aunt Coanna pushed them all toward the kitchen door, which remained open.

  978. The fire could be seen glowing on the hearth.

  979. 470

    Left beside uncle Larentu, Andrea sat down and looked again, now at the kitchen door, now at the gray door facing him.

  980. He thought, confusedly, that aunt Coanna would soon withdraw into the next room, and that he had uncle Larentu's stiletto knife in his pocket.

  981. 471

    "It's horrible, it's horrible!" he then said to himself.

  982. "I tremble before this man who is about to die, and I'm plotting another death!"

  983. "I am mad, I am cowardly, I am a wretch."

  984. "This man gave me his knife because he was afraid of using it during his fits: he gave it to a patient more dangerous than himself!"

  985. "What if I too got rid of it?"

  986. "Yes, I'll go, I'll hand it over to the farmhands; no, I'll throw it outside, far away."

  987. "I too am seized by delirium, at moments; it's better that I too be unarmed."

  988. 472

    He was about to go out when the farmhand arrived with the medicines: Andrea examined the prescriptions, then asked for a spoon and uncorked a bottle that held a clear, odorless liquid.

  989. 473

    Uncle Larentu was panting and trembling; he obediently took the medicine and lay down again, helped by Andrea.

  990. 474

    Soon everything settled back into the sad calm of before: aunt Coanna sat in her corner, Verre, eyes half-closed, rested and seemed to be feeling better.

  991. Through the open door came the crackling of the fire in the kitchen and the occasional subdued word from the farmhands.

  992. 475

    Andrea sat down again, and returned to staring at the gray door of the room next door.

  993. 476

    Little by little his diabolical dream took hold of him again.

  994. 477

    "This is the hour!"

  995. "If I let it slip away, I'll never have it again."

  996. "Now I'll raise my head and say: aunt Coanna, you go to bed too, I'll stay here; leave the door open so I can call you if needed."

  997. "She'll get up, open that gray door, withdraw, leaving it ajar."

  998. "There, I can already see it happening."

  999. "I'll tell the farmhands to go to sleep too."

  1000. "They'll ask nothing better."

  1001. "There, everything is silence."

  1002. "This man too drifts off."

  1003. "Then I rise on tiptoe, go and shut the kitchen door.... Then I open the knife.... Ah!"

  1004. 478

    A cold shiver ran through him; he stood up.

  1005. He was deathly pale.

  1006. 479

    "Aunt Coanna," he said in a dull voice, "you go to bed too; I'll stay here; leave the door open so I can call you if I need to."

  1007. 480

    She got up, said something; but he did not hear her, wholly absorbed by the fear, and the hope, that the old woman would not go into the next room.

  1008. But she opened the gray door, went in, left it ajar; exactly as Andrea had already pictured it.

  1009. 481

    He sat down again.

  1010. 482

    He heard aunt Coanna letting her shoes drop, one after the other, and heard her lie down without undressing.

  1011. Then it seemed to him he regained all his cold-bloodedness: he stood up, went to the kitchen door, and said to the farmhands:

  1012. 483

    "Sleep, if you like."

  1013. "I'll stay here."

  1014. 484

    "Is the master better?" asked Nofre, who sat on the ground, his bare feet held up to the fire and his gaiters pushed up over his red, hairy legs.

  1015. 485

    "Yes, he's dozing off."

  1016. 486

    "Well, you should go and rest instead; rest there, on the sofa, I'll keep watch."

  1017. 487

    "No."

  1018. 488

    "Yes."

  1019. "You're tired."

  1020. 489

    "No," he repeated.

  1021. "Do as I say."

  1022. 490

    "But... as you wish."

  1023. 491

    Andrea went back to his place, and from there saw the farmhands lie down and fall asleep; uncle Verre was asleep too.

  1024. 492

    There, everything fell silent.

  1025. 493

    Then Andrea rose, crossed the room on tiptoe, and shut the kitchen door.

  1026. The hinges gave off a thin creak as they turned, but he was not troubled by it.

  1027. Everything was unfolding just as he had imagined it; it seemed to him he had foreseen even the door's thin creak.

  1028. 494

    He stood listening for any movement from the farmhands; he heard nothing, and went back to the bed: uncle Larentu was asleep and his breathing was calm, his face regaining its natural color.

  1029. 495

    "He's out of danger!" thought Andrea.

  1030. "Tomorrow he'll be sounder than I am."

  1031. 496

    He turned his back to the bed, drew out the knife, opened it, and examined it from every side, at length, staring at it fixedly, without blinking.

  1032. 497

    "It's strange," he thought suddenly, raising his face.

  1033. "I feel nothing at all now."

  1034. "Perhaps because everything is going well?"

  1035. "Now I'll go, I'll cross that threshold, I'll go in."

  1036. "She's asleep: the room is lit only faintly by the strip of light coming in from this one."

  1037. "I bend down, I plunge the knife into the old woman's chest or throat."

  1038. "The chest, or the throat?..."

  1039. 498

    Fully in possession of himself, he crossed the room again, went up to the half-open door, pushed it a little further, and went in.

  1040. At first he saw nothing, heard only the old woman's light snoring.

  1041. He stood motionless until his eyes grew used to the dim light; then he went up to the bed.

  1042. 499

    The old woman lay asleep on her back, her bodice unlaced; only her shift and shirt covered her gaunt chest.

  1043. 500

    "The blow is easy, and sure," thought Andrea, "but all this is stupid; it isn't horrible, it's stupid."

  1044. "I feel nothing."

  1045. 501

    For a few moments he stood bent over the sleeping woman, whose faint snoring sounded to him like the distant sound of rain.

  1046. 502

    "No, I don't have the courage to strike."

  1047. "I'm afraid," Andrea was thinking.

  1048. "I'm powerless, that's all!"

  1049. 503

    And suddenly, seized by a burst of rage against himself, he raised his arm.... But all at once, as if pushed by some invisible person, he turned, went out of aunt Coanna's room, then out of uncle Verre's, then out of the kitchen.

  1050. 504

    A farmhand sat up, followed him with eyes clouded by sleep, then fell back again onto the mat.

  1051. 505

    Andrea stopped by the hedge and flung the knife far away; then he set off toward the village.

  1052. The moon had set; but an uncertain glimmer still fell from the whitish sky: the air was mild; the narcissi were fragrant.

  1053. Andrea was thinking:

  1054. 506

    "Well then, yes, I'm fleeing because after all we must never trust ourselves; and I may indeed be a coward, but my strength lies precisely in this cowardice: I will never do harm, never.... not even if I wanted to!..."

  1055. 507

    And it seemed to him he had been cured of a terrible illness.

The particulars

The text
I giuochi della vita, Grazia Deledda. The Games of Life.
Translation
Public-domain Italian (Deledda, d. 1936; collection published 1905). English translation © 2026 1732 Studios, LLC.
Words
Every word of the text, by letter.
Data
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Two whoopie pies and a pine. An inside joke.