The Brothers Karamazov 1732 Studios

Russian · Book III — The Sensualists

XI. Еще одна погибшая репутация

Another Reputation Ruined

182 sentences · 349 notes

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  1. 1

    From the town to the monastery was little more than a verst.

    Отfromот · prepositionpreposition marking города
    городаthe townгород · noun, genitive, masculine, singularoblique complement of было
    доtoдо · prepositionpreposition marking монастыря
    монастыряthe monasteryмонастырь · noun, genitive, masculine, singularoblique complement of было, parallel to города
    былоwasбыть · auxiliary verb, past, indicative, active, singular, imperfectivemain verb of the sentence
    неnoне · particlemodifies более
    болееmore thanболее · adverbmodifies версты
    верстыa verstверста · noun, genitive, feminine, singularquantified complement of было (predicate of более)
    сandс · prepositionpreposition marking небольшим
    небольшимor soнебольшой · adjective, instrumental, masculine, singularmodifies версты

    «с небольшим» is a fixed idiom meaning "and a bit more."

  2. 2

    Alyosha set off briskly along the road, deserted at this hour.

  3. 3

    Night had almost fallen; at thirty paces it was already hard to make out objects.

  4. 4

    Halfway along, the road came to a crossroads.

  5. 5

    At the crossroads, beneath a solitary willow, some figure became visible.

  6. 6

    No sooner had Alyosha stepped onto the crossroads than the figure tore itself from its place, flung itself at him, and shouted in a frenzied voice:

  7. 7

    "Your money or your life!"

  8. 8

    "So it's you, Mitya!" said Alyosha, who had nonetheless given a violent start.

  9. 9

    "Ha-ha-ha! You didn't expect it?

  10. 10

    I was thinking: where am I to wait for you?

  11. 11

    By her house?

  12. 12

    From there three roads run off, and I might miss you.

  13. 13

    At last I decided to wait for you here, because here he is sure to pass — there's no other way to the monastery.

  14. 14

    Well, out with the truth, crush me like a cockroach…

  15. 15

    But what's the matter with you?"

  16. 16

    "Nothing, brother… it's only the fright.

  17. 17

    Ah, Dmitri!

  18. 18

    That blood of Father's just now—" Alyosha burst into tears; he had long wanted to weep, and now suddenly something seemed to snap in his soul. "You all but killed him… you cursed him… and now, here, this very moment, you crack your jokes — 'your money or your life'!"

  19. 19

    "Why, what of it? Improper, is it?

  20. 20

    Doesn't suit the situation?"

  21. 21

    "No, no… it's only that…"

  22. 22

    "Wait.

  23. 23

    Look at the night: see what a gloomy night it is, the clouds, the wind that has sprung up!

  24. 24

    I hid myself here, under the willow, waiting for you, and suddenly I thought (God's my witness!): why go on tormenting myself, what is there to wait for?

  25. 25

    Here's the willow, I have a handkerchief, I have a shirt, a rope can be twisted in a moment, suspenders into the bargain — and no longer to burden the earth, no longer to dishonor it with my low presence!

  26. 26

    And then I hear you coming — Lord, it was as though something flew down upon me all at once: so there is, after all, a man whom even I love; here he is, here is that dear little fellow, my darling little brother, whom I love more than anyone in the world and whom alone I love!

  27. 27

    And I loved you so, I loved you so in that minute, that I thought: I'll throw myself on his neck this instant!

  28. 28

    But a foolish notion came to me: 'Let me amuse him, give him a scare.'

  29. 29

    And so I yelled like a fool: 'Your money!'

  30. 30

    Forgive the foolery — it's only nonsense, but in my soul there's… something decent too…

  31. 31

    Well, the devil take it, but tell me, what happened there?

  32. 32

    What did she say?

  33. 33

    Crush me, strike me, don't spare me!

  34. 34

    Did she fly into a fury?"

  35. 35

    "No, not that… It was something altogether different there, Mitya.

  36. 36

    There… Just now I found the two of them together there."

  37. 37

    "Which two?"

  38. 38

    "Grushenka at Katerina Ivanovna's."

  39. 39

    Dmitri Fyodorovich was thunderstruck.

  40. 40

    "Impossible!" he cried, "you're raving!

  41. 41

    Grushenka at her place?"

  42. 42

    Alyosha told him everything that had happened to him from the very moment he had entered Katerina Ivanovna's.

  43. 43

    He spoke for some ten minutes — not, one must admit, smoothly or neatly, but, it seems, clearly, seizing on the most important words, the most important gestures, and conveying vividly, often with a single stroke, his own feelings.

  44. 44

    His brother Dmitri listened in silence, staring point-blank with terrible immobility, but it was plain to Alyosha that he had already grasped it all, taken in the whole fact.

  45. 45

    Yet his face, the further the story went, grew not so much gloomy as, somehow, menacing.

  46. 46

    He knitted his brows, clenched his teeth, his fixed stare grew as though still more fixed, more stubborn, more dreadful… The more unexpected it was, then, when all at once, with incomprehensible swiftness, his whole face, until then wrathful and ferocious, changed in an instant, his pressed lips parted, and Dmitri Fyodorovich suddenly broke into the most irrepressible, the most genuine laughter.

  47. 47

    He literally dissolved in laughter; for a long while he could not even speak for laughing.

  48. 48

    "So she didn't kiss the hand! She didn't kiss it, she just ran off!" he cried out in a kind of sick rapture — one might even call it an insolent rapture, were the rapture not so utterly artless. "So the other one screamed that she was a tiger!

  49. 49

    And a tiger she is!

  50. 50

    So she ought to be sent to the scaffold?

  51. 51

    Yes, yes, she ought to, she ought, I'm of that opinion myself, that she ought, and long ago at that!

  52. 52

    You see, brother, let it be the scaffold, but first one has to get well again.

  53. 53

    I understand the queen of insolence — there she is, the whole of her, the whole of her spoke out in that little hand, the infernal woman!

  54. 54

    She's the queen of all the infernal women one could possibly imagine in the world! In her own way, a marvel!

  55. 55

    So she ran off home?

  56. 56

    I'll go now… ah… I'll run to her!

  57. 57

    Alyoshka, don't blame me, I admit myself that strangling her would be too little for her…"

  58. 58

    "But Katerina Ivanovna!" Alyosha exclaimed sorrowfully.

  59. 59

    "Her too, I see her through and through, I see her too, and I see her as never before!

  60. 60

    Here is a whole discovery of all four quarters of the globe — five of them, that is!

  61. 61

    What a stroke!

  62. 62

    This is the very same Katenka, that little institute girl, who out of a noble notion was not afraid to come running to a ridiculous, coarse officer to save her father, risking the dreadful chance of being insulted!

  63. 63

    But our pride, our craving for risk, our defiance of fate, defiance flung into the boundless!

  64. 64

    You say that aunt of hers tried to stop her?

  65. 65

    That aunt, you know, is herself a domineering thing — she's the own sister of that Moscow general's wife, and she used to carry her nose even higher than the other, but her husband was caught embezzling state funds, lost everything, the estate and all, and the proud spouse suddenly toned down, and from then on never picked herself up again.

  66. 66

    So she tried to hold Katya back, and Katya wouldn't listen.

  67. 67

    'I can conquer everything,' she fancies, 'everything's in my power; if I please, I'll bewitch Grushenka too' — and she believed her own words, she swaggered before her own self; whose fault is it?

  68. 68

    Do you suppose she kissed Grushenka's hand first on purpose, out of some cunning calculation?

  69. 69

    No, she truly, she truly fell in love with Grushenka — that is, not with Grushenka, but with her own dream, her own delirium — because, you see, it's my dream, my delirium!

  70. 70

    My dear Alyosha, however did you escape from them, from such women?

  71. 71

    Did you take to your heels, hitching up your cassock?

  72. 72

    Ha-ha-ha!"

  73. 73

    "Brother, it seems you didn't even notice how you wounded Katerina Ivanovna by telling Grushenka about that day, and how she at once flung it in her face — that she herself 'used to go peddling her charms to gentlemen on the sly'!

  74. 74

    Brother, what greater insult could there be than that?" What tormented Alyosha most was the thought that his brother seemed positively glad of Katerina Ivanovna's humiliation — though of course that could not be.

  75. 75

    "Bah!" Dmitri Fyodorovich suddenly frowned terribly and struck himself on the forehead with his palm.

  76. 76

    Only now did he take it in, although Alyosha had told him all at once a moment before, both the insult and Katerina Ivanovna's cry: 'Your brother is a scoundrel!' "Yes, in fact, perhaps I did tell Grushenka about that 'fatal day,' as Katya puts it.

  77. 77

    Yes, that's so, I told her, I remember now!

  78. 78

    It was back then, at Mokroye, I was drunk, the gypsy girls were singing… But I was sobbing then, sobbing myself, I was down on my knees, I was praying before Katya's image, and Grushenka understood it.

  79. 79

    She understood everything then, I remember, she wept herself… Ah, the devil!

  80. 80

    And could it have turned out otherwise now?

  81. 81

    Then she wept, but now… Now it's a 'dagger in the heart'!

  82. 82

    That's how it is with women.

  83. 83

    He cast down his eyes and grew thoughtful.

  84. 84

    "Yes, I am a scoundrel! An undoubted scoundrel," he pronounced suddenly in a gloomy voice. "All the same, whether I wept or not, all the same a scoundrel!

  85. 85

    Tell them there that I accept the name, if it can be any comfort.

  86. 86

    Well, that's enough, farewell, what's the use of chattering!

  87. 87

    There's nothing cheerful in it.

  88. 88

    You go your way, and I'll go mine.

  89. 89

    And I don't want to see you again, until some very last minute.

  90. 90

    Farewell, Alexei!" He pressed Alyosha's hand hard and, still with his eyes cast down and without raising his head, as if tearing himself away, strode off rapidly toward the town.

  91. 91

    Alyosha watched him go, unable to believe that he had walked off so utterly and all at once.

  92. 92

    "Stop, Alexei, one more confession, for you alone!" Dmitri Fyodorovich suddenly turned back. "Look at me, look hard: you see, here, right here — a dreadful disgrace is being prepared."

  93. 93

    (As he said "right here," Dmitri Fyodorovich struck himself on the chest with his fist, and with such a strange air, as though the disgrace lay and was kept precisely there on his chest, in some spot, in a pocket perhaps, or hung sewn up about his neck.)

  94. 94

    You already know me: a scoundrel, an acknowledged scoundrel!

  95. 95

    But know this: whatever I may have done before, now or in the future — nothing, nothing can compare in baseness with the disgrace that, precisely now, precisely at this very minute, I carry here on my breast, right here, here, which is at work and being accomplished, and which I am full master to stop — I can stop it or carry it out, mark that well!

  96. 96

    Well, then know this: that I shall carry it out and not stop it.

  97. 97

    A while ago I told you everything, but this I did not tell, because even I hadn't the brass forehead for it!

  98. 98

    I can still stop myself; and if I stop, I can tomorrow win back a whole half of my lost honor, but I shall not stop, I shall carry out the base design, and you be my witness henceforth that I say this in advance and knowingly!

  99. 99

    Ruin and darkness!

  100. 100

    There's nothing to explain; in good time you'll find out.

  101. 101

    The stinking back-alley and the infernal woman!

  102. 102

    Farewell.

  103. 103

    Don't pray for me, I'm not worth it, and it's quite unnecessary, quite unnecessary… I have no need of it at all!

  104. 104

    Away!.."

  105. 105

    And he suddenly withdrew, this time for good.

  106. 106

    Alyosha walked on toward the monastery.

  107. 107

    "How can it be, how can it be that I shall never see him again — what is he saying?" it presented itself wildly to his mind. "Why, tomorrow I'll see him without fail and seek him out, I'll seek him out on purpose — what is he talking about?.."

  108. 108

    He went around the monastery and through the pine grove straight to the hermitage.

  109. 109

    They opened to him there, although at this hour no one was being let in.

  110. 110

    His heart was trembling when he entered the elder's cell: "Why, why did he go out, why did the elder send him 'into the world'?

  111. 111

    Here is stillness, here is holiness, but out there — confusion, out there darkness, in which one is at once lost and goes astray…"

  112. 112

    In the cell were the novice Porfiry and the hieromonk Father Paisy, who had come every hour all day to ask after the health of Father Zossima, whose condition, as Alyosha learned with dread, was growing worse and worse.

  113. 113

    Even the customary evening talk with the brethren could not take place this time.

  114. 114

    Ordinarily, of an evening, after the service, daily, before retiring to sleep, the monastery brethren would gather in the elder's cell, and each would confess aloud to him his transgressions of the day, his sinful daydreams, thoughts, temptations, even quarrels among themselves, if any such had occurred.

  115. 115

    Some confessed on their knees.

  116. 116

    The elder absolved, reconciled, instructed, laid penance, blessed, and dismissed.

  117. 117

    It was precisely against these brotherly 'confessions' that the opponents of the institution of elders rose up, saying it was a profanation of confession as a sacrament, almost a sacrilege, although the thing was something altogether different.

  118. 118

    They even represented to the diocesan authorities that such confessions not only failed to attain their good end, but actually and deliberately led into sin and temptation.

  119. 119

    Many of the brethren, they said, found it a burden to go to the elder, yet went against their will, because everyone went, so as not to be taken for proud and rebellious in spirit.

  120. 120

    It was told that some of the brethren, on their way to evening confession, would arrange it among themselves beforehand: 'I'll say, see, that I lost my temper at you this morning, and you confirm it' — this so that there would be something to say, just to be done with it.

  121. 121

    Alyosha knew that this was indeed how things sometimes came to pass.

  122. 122

    He knew, too, that there were among the brethren some who were greatly indignant even at the custom by which the very letters that the hermitage monks received from their relatives were first brought to the elder, so that he might open them before their recipients did.

  123. 123

    It was presumed, of course, that all this ought to be done freely and sincerely, from the whole heart, in the name of willing humility and saving guidance; yet in practice, as it turned out, it was at times done quite insincerely — on the contrary, in a manner contrived and false.

  124. 124

    But the older and more experienced of the brethren held their ground, reasoning that "whoever has entered these walls sincerely, in order to be saved, for such a man all these obediences and ascetic labors will prove without doubt to be saving, and will bring him great benefit; whoever, on the contrary, chafes and grumbles, that one is no monk at all, and has come into the monastery to no purpose, and his place is out in the world.

  125. 125

    And from sin and from the devil one cannot guard oneself even within the temple, let alone in the world; therefore there is no reason to indulge sin."

  126. 126

    — He has grown weak, drowsiness has overtaken him, — Father Paisy informed Alyosha in a whisper, after blessing him. — It is even hard to wake him.

  127. 127

    But there is no need to wake him, either.

  128. 128

    For some five minutes he woke and asked that his blessing be carried to the brethren, and of the brethren he asked their nightly prayers for him.

  129. 129

    He intends to receive communion once more in the morning.

  130. 130

    He spoke of you, Alexei; he asked whether you had gone, and they answered that you were in the town.

  131. 131

    "It was for that very purpose that I blessed him; his place is there, not here for now," — that is what he uttered concerning you.

  132. 132

    He remembered you with love, with concern — do you grasp what you have been deemed worthy of?

  133. 133

    Only how is it that he appointed you, for a time, to live out a term in the world?

  134. 134

    It means he foresees something in your destiny!

  135. 135

    Understand, Alexei, that even if you do return to the world, it must be as if to an obedience laid upon you by your elder, and not for idle frivolity or worldly merriment…

  136. 136

    Father Paisy went out.

  137. 137

    That the elder was passing away, of this Alyosha had no doubt, although he might yet live another day, even two.

  138. 138

    Alyosha resolved firmly and fervently that, in spite of the promise he had given to see his father, the Khokhlakovs, his brother, and Katerina Ivanovna, he would not leave the monastery at all the next day, but would remain beside his elder until his very end.

  139. 139

    His heart kindled with love, and he reproached himself bitterly that he could, even for a moment, there in the town, so much as forget the one he had left in the monastery upon his deathbed, the one he revered above all others in the world.

  140. 140

    He went into the elder's little bedroom, knelt, and bowed to the ground before the sleeping man.

  141. 141

    The elder slept quietly, motionless, breathing faintly, evenly, and almost imperceptibly.

  142. 142

    His face was at peace.

  143. 143

    Returning to the other room — the very one in which the elder had received his visitors that morning — Alyosha, scarcely undressing and removing only his boots, lay down on the leather divan, hard and narrow, on which he had always slept, and had done now for a long time, every night, bringing with him nothing but a pillow.

  144. 144

    As for the mattress about which his father had shouted earlier that day, he had long since forgotten to spread it out for himself.

  145. 145

    He would take off only his cassock and cover himself with it in place of a blanket.

  146. 146

    But before sleep he threw himself on his knees and prayed for a long while.

  147. 147

    In his fervent prayer he did not ask God to explain his confusion to him, but only thirsted for that joyful tenderness, the old tenderness, which had always come to his soul after the praise and glory of God, in which his whole bedtime prayer ordinarily consisted.

  148. 148

    This joy, when it visited him, brought in its train a light and untroubled sleep.

  149. 149

    While praying even now, he suddenly, by chance, felt in his pocket that small pink packet which Katerina Ivanovna's maidservant had handed him after catching up with him on the road.

  150. 150

    He was troubled, but he finished his prayer.

  151. 151

    Then, after some hesitation, he opened the packet.

  152. 152

    Inside there was a little letter for him, signed Lise — by that same young daughter of Madame Khokhlakova who had laughed at him so in the morning, in the elder's presence.

  153. 153

    "Alexei Fyodorovich, — she wrote, — I am writing to you in secret from everyone, even from Mama, and I know how wrong this is.

  154. 154

    But I can no longer go on living unless I tell you what has been born in my heart, and this no one but the two of us must know, for the time being.

  155. 155

    But how am I to tell you the very thing I so want to tell you?

  156. 156

    Paper, they say, does not blush; I assure you that this is untrue, and that it blushes just as surely as I am blushing all over now.

  157. 157

    Dear Alyosha, I love you; I have loved you ever since childhood, since Moscow, when you were not at all as you are now, and I shall love you for my whole life.

  158. 158

    I have chosen you with my heart, to be united with you, and in old age to end our life together.

  159. 159

    On the condition, of course, that you leave the monastery.

  160. 160

    As for our ages, we shall wait as long as the law commands.

  161. 161

    By that time I shall certainly be well, and shall walk and dance.

  162. 162

    Of that there can be no question.

  163. 163

    You see how I have thought it all out; there is only one thing I cannot work out: what you will think of me when you read this.

  164. 164

    I am forever laughing and playing the fool, and earlier today I made you angry; but I assure you that just now, before I took up the pen, I prayed before the icon of the Mother of God, and I am praying even now, and am almost in tears.

  165. 165

    My secret is in your hands; when you come tomorrow, I do not know how I shall so much as glance at you.

  166. 166

    Ah, Alexei Fyodorovich, what if I again fail to restrain myself, like a fool, and burst out laughing, the way I did earlier, looking at you?

  167. 167

    Then you will take me for a wicked mocker and will not believe my letter.

  168. 168

    And so I implore you, dear one, if you have any compassion for me, when you come in tomorrow, do not look me too straight in the eyes, because, meeting yours, I may quite certainly burst out laughing all at once — and besides, you will be in that long gown… Even now I go all cold when I think of it; and so, when you come in, do not look at me at all for a little while, but look at Mama or at the window…

  169. 169

    There, I have written you a love letter — my God, what have I done!

  170. 170

    Alyosha, do not despise me, and if I have done something very wicked and have grieved you, then forgive me.

  171. 171

    Now the secret of my reputation — ruined forever, perhaps — is in your hands.

  172. 172

    I shall certainly cry today.

  173. 173

    Until we meet, until our ''dreadful'' meeting. Lise.

  174. 174

    P.S. Alyosha, only be sure, be sure, be sure to come! Lise."

  175. 175

    Alyosha read it with astonishment, read it twice, thought a moment, and suddenly laughed quietly, sweetly.

  176. 176

    He gave a start, for this laughter seemed sinful to him.

  177. 177

    But a moment later he laughed again, just as quietly and just as happily.

  178. 178

    Slowly he slipped the letter back into its little envelope, crossed himself, and lay down.

  179. 179

    The turmoil of his soul had suddenly passed.

  180. 180

    "Lord, have mercy on them all, on the ones from today; keep them safe, the unhappy and the stormy, and guide them.

  181. 181

    Yours are the ways: by such paths as Thou knowest, save them.

  182. 182

    Thou art love; Thou wilt send joy to all!" — Alyosha murmured, crossing himself, falling into a serene sleep.

The particulars

The text
Братья Карамазовы, Fyodor Dostoevsky. Book III — The Sensualists.
Translation
Public-domain Russian (Dostoevsky, d. 1881). Translation © 2026 1732 Studios.
Words
Every word of the text, by letter.
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Two whoopie pies and a pine. An inside joke.