The Brothers Karamazov 1732 Studios

Russian · Book VII — Alyosha

III. Луковка

An Onion

312 sentences · 748 notes

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  1. 1

    Grushenka lived in the very busiest part of town, near Cathedral Square, in a house belonging to the merchant's widow Morozova, from whom she rented a small wooden annex in the yard.

    ГрушенькаGrushenkaГрушенька · proper noun, nominative, feminine, singularsubject of жила
    жилаlivedжить · verb, past, indicative, active, singular, imperfectivemain verb of the sentence
    вinв · prepositionpreposition marking месте
    самомthe veryсамый · adjective, locative, neuter, singularmodifies бойком
    бойкомbusiestбойкий · adjective, locative, neuter, singularmodifies месте
    местеpartместо · noun, locative, neuter, singularoblique complement of жила
    городаtownгород · noun, genitive, masculine, singularmodifies месте
    близnearблиз · prepositionpreposition marking площади
    СоборнойCathedralсоборный · adjective, genitive, feminine, singularmodifies площади
    площадиSquareплощадь · noun, genitive, feminine, singularparallel location to месте
    вinв · prepositionpreposition marking доме
    домеthe houseдом · noun, locative, masculine, singularparallel location to месте
    купеческойmerchant'sкупеческий · adjective, genitive, feminine, singularmodifies вдовы
    вдовыwidowвдова · noun, genitive, feminine, singularmodifies доме
    МорозовойMorozovaМорозова · proper noun, genitive, feminine, singularin apposition to вдовы
    уfromу · prepositionpreposition marking которой
    которойwhomкоторый · pronoun, genitive, feminine, singularoblique complement of нанимала
    нанималаrentedнанимать · verb, past, indicative, active, singular, imperfectiverelative clause on вдовы
    наinна · prepositionpreposition marking дворе
    двореthe yardдвор · noun, locative, masculine, singularoblique complement of нанимала
    небольшойsmallнебольшой · adjective, accusative, masculine, singularmodifies флигель
    деревянныйwoodenдеревянный · adjective, accusative, masculine, singularmodifies флигель
    флигельannexфлигель · noun, accusative, masculine, singulardirect object of нанимала
  2. 2

    Morozova's house itself was large, of stone, two storeys high, old, and very unsightly to look at; the landlady herself lived in it as a recluse, an old woman, together with her two nieces, who were also women well on in years.

  3. 3

    She had no need to let out the annex in her yard, but everyone knew that she had taken Grushenka in as a tenant (some four years earlier) solely to oblige her own kinsman, the merchant Samsonov, Grushenka's open protector.

  4. 4

    It was said that the jealous old man, in lodging his "favourite" with Morozova, had at first counted on the old woman's sharp eye to keep watch over his new tenant's conduct.

  5. 5

    But the sharp eye very soon proved unnecessary, and it ended with Morozova rarely even meeting Grushenka and, toward the last, not pestering her with any supervision at all.

  6. 6

    True, four years had already passed since the old man brought into this house, from a provincial town, an eighteen-year-old girl — timid, bashful, slight, thin, pensive, and sad — and since then much water had flowed under the bridge.

  7. 7

    This girl's history, however, was known among us in the town only sparsely and confusedly; nor did anyone learn more of it later, even at the very time when a great many had begun to take an interest in the "raving beauty" that Agrafena Alexandrovna had turned into over four years.

  8. 8

    There were only rumours that, while still a girl of seventeen, she had been deceived by someone — by some officer, supposedly — and then at once abandoned by him.

  9. 9

    The officer, they said, had gone away and married somewhere later, while Grushenka was left in disgrace and destitution.

  10. 10

    It was said, however, that although Grushenka had indeed been taken out of destitution by her old man, she came of an honest family and was somehow of clerical stock — the daughter of some superannuated deacon or something of that sort.

  11. 11

    And so, in four years, out of a sensitive, wronged, and pitiful little orphan there had emerged a rosy-cheeked, full-bodied Russian beauty, a woman of bold and resolute character, proud and brazen, who understood the value of money, an acquirer, stingy and cautious, and who already — by fair means or foul, as people said of her — had managed to scrape together a little capital of her own.

  12. 12

    On one point alone everyone was convinced: that access to Grushenka was hard to come by, and that, apart from the old man, her protector, there had not been, in all four years, a single man who could boast of her favour.

  13. 13

    The fact was a solid one, for no few hunters had come leaping forward to win that favour, particularly over the last two years.

  14. 14

    But all their attempts proved in vain, and some of these suitors were obliged to retreat with an even comic and shameful denouement, thanks to the firm and mocking rebuff dealt them by the spirited young woman.

  15. 15

    It was further known that the young woman, especially in the last year, had launched into what is called "speculation", and that in this line she had shown extraordinary aptitude, so that toward the end many dubbed her a regular Jewess.

  16. 16

    It was not that she lent money at interest, but it was known, for instance, that in partnership with Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov she had for a time actually been buying up promissory notes for next to nothing, a dime on the rouble, and afterwards collected a rouble on the dime for some of those notes.

  17. 17

    The ailing Samsonov, who in the last year had lost the use of his swollen legs — a widower, a tyrant over his grown-up sons, a great man of a hundred thousand, a niggardly and implacable man — had nonetheless fallen under the strong influence of his protégée, whom at first he had kept in hedgehog gloves and on short commons, "on Lenten oil," as the wags of the day put it.

  18. 18

    But Grushenka managed to emancipate herself, having, however, instilled in him a boundless trust as to her faithfulness to him.

  19. 19

    This old man, a great man of business (now long dead), was likewise of a remarkable character — above all stingy and hard as flint — and though Grushenka had so struck him that he could not even live without her (in the last two years, for example, that was precisely how it was), still he did not set aside for her any large, substantial capital, and even had she threatened to leave him altogether, he would still have remained implacable.

  20. 20

    But in return he did set aside a small capital, and when this became known, it too astonished everyone.

  21. 21

    "You're no fool yourself, my girl," he said to her, setting aside some eight thousand for her, "so run it yourself; but know that, apart from your yearly keep as before, until my very death you'll get nothing more out of me, and in my will I'll set aside nothing more for you either."

  22. 22

    And he was as good as his word: he died and left everything to his sons, whom he had kept beside him all their lives on a level with servants, along with their wives and children, and of Grushenka he made no mention at all in his will.

  23. 23

    All this became known afterwards.

  24. 24

    But with his counsel as to how to run "her own capital" he helped Grushenka not a little, and pointed out "ventures" to her.

  25. 25

    When Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov, who had first become entangled with Grushenka over a single chance "deal," ended — quite unexpectedly to himself — by falling head over heels in love with her, as though he had even lost his wits, old Samsonov, who by that time was already at his last gasp, chuckled heartily.

  26. 26

    It is remarkable that Grushenka was, throughout the whole time of their acquaintance, fully and even as it were cordially candid with her old man — and this, it seems, with the one and only person in the world.

  27. 27

    In the very latest period, when Dmitri Fyodorovich too suddenly appeared with his love, the old man stopped laughing.

  28. 28

    On the contrary, one day he gravely and sternly advised Grushenka: "If you really must choose between the two, the father or the son, then choose the old man — but only on condition, mind you, that the old scoundrel marries you without fail, and beforehand makes over to you at least some capital.

  29. 29

    And don't take up with the captain — no good will come of it."

  30. 30

    Such were the very words of the old voluptuary to Grushenka — words of a man who already foresaw his own death close at hand, and who indeed died five months after giving this counsel.

  31. 31

    I will note further, in passing, that although even many in our town knew at the time of the absurd and grotesque rivalry of the Karamazovs, father and son, whose object was Grushenka, hardly anyone then understood the real meaning of her relations to the two of them, to the old man and to the son.

  32. 32

    Even both of Grushenka's maidservants (after the catastrophe that later broke out, of which there is still more to be told) afterwards testified at the trial that Agrafena Alexandrovna received Dmitri Fyodorovich out of sheer fear alone, because, supposedly, "he threatened to kill her."

  33. 33

    She had two servants — one a very old cook, left over from her parents' household, sickly and almost deaf, and the other the cook's granddaughter, a young, brisk girl of about twenty, Grushenka's chambermaid.

  34. 34

    As for Grushenka herself, she lived very frugally and in altogether modest surroundings.

  35. 35

    In her annex she had in all three rooms, furnished by the landlady with ancient mahogany furniture in the style of the twenties.

  36. 36

    When Rakitin and Alyosha came in to her, full dusk had already fallen, but the rooms were not yet lit.

  37. 37

    Grushenka herself was lying in her drawing room, on her big, ungainly, high-backed sofa veneered in mahogany — hard, and upholstered in leather long since worn and full of holes.

  38. 38

    Under her head were two white down pillows from her bed.

  39. 39

    She lay on her back, stretched out motionless, with both hands tucked behind her head.

  40. 40

    She was dressed up, as though expecting someone, in a black silk gown and a light lace cap on her head that became her very well; over her shoulders was thrown a lace shawl, pinned with a massive gold brooch.

  41. 41

    She was indeed waiting for someone — lying there as if in anguish and impatience, her face somewhat paled, her lips and eyes feverish, the tip of her right foot tapping impatiently against the arm of the sofa.

  42. 42

    The moment Rakitin and Alyosha appeared, a small commotion arose: it could be heard from the entry how Grushenka quickly sprang up from the sofa and suddenly cried out in fright, "Who's there?"

  43. 43

    But the maid met the visitors and at once called back to her mistress.

  44. 44

    "It isn't him, ma'am, it's others, these are nothing to worry about."

  45. 45

    "What's the matter with her?" Rakitin muttered, leading Alyosha by the hand into the drawing room.

  46. 46

    Grushenka was standing by the sofa, still as if in fright.

  47. 47

    A thick lock of her dark-brown braid had suddenly slipped out from under her cap and fallen onto her right shoulder, but she did not notice it and did not put it right until she had looked closely at the visitors and recognized them.

  48. 48

    "Ah, it's you, Rakitka? You gave me a real fright. Who's that with you? Who is it you've got there? Lord, look who he's brought!" she exclaimed, making out Alyosha.

  49. 49

    "Why don't you tell them to bring candles!" said Rakitin, with the offhand air of a most intimate, close friend who even has the right to give orders about the house.

  50. 50

    "Candles… of course, candles… Fenya, bring him a candle… Well, you found a fine time to bring him!" she exclaimed again, with a nod toward Alyosha, and, turning to the mirror, she quickly began to tuck her braid back into place with both hands.

  51. 51

    She seemed displeased.

  52. 52

    "Didn't I please you, then?" Rakitin asked, almost instantly taking offence.

  53. 53

    "You frightened me, Rakitka, that's what," Grushenka turned to Alyosha with a smile. "Don't be afraid of me, Alyosha, my dear — I'm dreadfully glad to see you, my unexpected guest.

  54. 54

    But you, Rakitka, you frightened me: I thought it was Mitya forcing his way in.

  55. 55

    You see, I tricked him just now and got his word of honour to believe me, and I lied to him.

  56. 56

    I told him I was going off for the whole evening to Kuzma Kuzmich's, to my old man's, and would be sitting up with him till night counting money.

  57. 57

    For I do go off to him every week, for a whole evening, to settle the accounts.

  58. 58

    We lock ourselves in: he clicks away on the abacus, and I sit there entering it in the books — it's me alone he trusts.

  59. 59

    So Mitya believed I was there, while here I am locked up at home — sitting, waiting for a certain piece of news.

  60. 60

    However did Fenya let you in!

  61. 61

    Fenya, Fenya! Run to the gate, open it and look all around — isn't the captain about somewhere?

  62. 62

    Maybe he's hidden himself and is spying — I'm dreadfully afraid!

  63. 63

    "There's no one, Agrafena Alexandrovna, I just looked all round, I keep going to the crack in the gate and peeping every minute, I'm in fear and trembling myself."

  64. 64

    "Are the shutters fastened, Fenya? And the curtain ought to be drawn — there, like that!" She drew the heavy curtains herself. "Otherwise he'll come darting straight at the light.

  65. 65

    It's your brother Mitya I'm afraid of today, Alyosha." Grushenka was speaking loudly, in alarm, yet as if also in a kind of near-rapture.

  66. 66

    "Why are you so afraid of Mitenka today?" Rakitin inquired. "You don't seem timid with him as a rule — he dances to your tune."

  67. 67

    "I tell you, I'm waiting for news, one precious little word of it, so that just now I don't want Mitenka about at all.

  68. 68

    And he didn't believe me, I can feel it, that I'd gone to Kuzma Kuzmich's.

  69. 69

    He must be sitting now over at his own place, at Fyodor Pavlovich's, in the garden at the back, keeping watch on me.

  70. 70

    And if he's holed up there, then he won't come here — so much the better!

  71. 71

    And I really did run over to Kuzma Kuzmich's, Mitya himself walked me there, I told him I'd sit till midnight and that he was to come without fail at midnight to walk me home.

  72. 72

    He went off, and I sat with the old man about ten minutes and then back here again — oh, how scared I was — I ran, so as not to run into him.

  73. 73

    "And where are you all decked out for? My, what a curious cap you've got on!"

  74. 74

    "And what a curious one you are yourself, Rakitin! I tell you, I'm waiting for a certain piece of news.

  75. 75

    The news will come, I'll spring up — I'll fly off, and you'll have seen the last of me here.

  76. 76

    That's why I'm decked out — to be sitting ready."

  77. 77

    "And where will you fly off to?"

  78. 78

    "Know too much and you'll grow old before your time."

  79. 79

    "Just look at you. All in a glow of joy… I've never seen you like this. Dressed up as if for a ball," Rakitin said, looking her over.

  80. 80

    "A lot you know about balls."

  81. 81

    "And do you know much?"

  82. 82

    "I, now, have seen a ball. The year before last Kuzma Kuzmich married off his son, so I watched from the gallery.

  83. 83

    And what business have I, Rakitka, talking with you at all, when there's a prince like this standing here.

  84. 84

    Now there's a guest! Alyosha, my dear, I look at you and can't believe it; Lord, how is it you've turned up at my place!

  85. 85

    To tell you the truth, I never looked for it, never dreamed of it, and even before I never once believed you could come.

  86. 86

    Though it isn't quite the right moment now, still I'm dreadfully glad to see you!

  87. 87

    Sit down on the sofa, here, just so, my young new moon.

  88. 88

    Truly, I still can't seem to take it in… Oh, you, Rakitka, if only you'd brought him yesterday or the day before!.. Well, but I'm glad even as it is.

  89. 89

    Maybe it's even better that it's now, at such a moment, and not the day before yesterday…"

  90. 90

    She sat down nimbly beside Alyosha on the sofa, right next to him, and looked at him with positive delight.

  91. 91

    And she really was glad — she was not lying when she said it.

  92. 92

    Her eyes glowed, her lips laughed, but good-naturedly, merrily they laughed.

  93. 93

    Alyosha had not even expected such a kindly expression on her face… He had met her little before the previous day, had formed a frightening notion of her, and only yesterday had been so terribly shaken by her spiteful and treacherous trick against Katerina Ivanovna, that now he was greatly surprised to see in her, all at once, what seemed an altogether different and unexpected creature.

  94. 94

    And however weighed down he was by his own grief, his eyes nevertheless rested on her involuntarily, with attention.

  95. 95

    All her manners, too, seemed to have changed since the previous day, quite for the better: that cloying sweetness of speech from yesterday was almost entirely gone, as were those affected, mincing movements… everything was simple, guileless, her movements quick, direct, trusting — yet she was very excited.

  96. 96

    "Lord, what strange things are all coming to pass today, truly," she prattled on again. "And why I'm so glad of you, Alyosha, I don't know myself. Ask me, and I don't know."

  97. 97

    "Come now, you don't know what you're glad of?" Rakitin smirked. "Before, you were pestering me for some reason or other: bring him, do bring him — you had your aim, surely."

  98. 98

    "Before, I had a different aim, but now that's past, this isn't the moment for it. I'm going to treat you to something, that's what.

  99. 99

    I've grown kindly now, Rakitka. Do sit down, you too, Rakitka — why are you standing? Or have you sat down already?

  100. 100

    Never fear, our Rakitushka won't forget himself.

  101. 101

    There he sits now, Alyosha, over there facing us, and taking offence: why didn't I invite him to sit down before you.

  102. 102

    Oh, he's touchy, my Rakitka, touchy!" Grushenka burst out laughing. "Don't be angry, Rakitka, today I'm kind.

  103. 103

    And why do you sit there so glum, Alyoshechka — are you afraid of me?" she peered into his eyes with merry mockery.

  104. 104

    "He has a grief. He wasn't given his rank," Rakitin growled.

  105. 105

    "What rank?"

  106. 106

    "His elder has gone and stunk."

  107. 107

    "How, stunk? You're babbling some nonsense, you want to say some nastiness. Be quiet, fool.

  108. 108

    Will you let me, Alyosha, sit a while on your lap, just so!" And suddenly, in a flash, she half-rose and, laughing, sprang onto his lap like a fawning kitten, tenderly slipping her right arm round his neck.

  109. 109

    "I'll cheer you up, my pious boy! No, really, surely you'll let me sit on your knees, you won't be cross? Just say the word — and I'll jump down."

  110. 110

    Alyosha was silent.

  111. 111

    He sat, afraid to stir; he heard her words, "Just say the word — and I'll jump down," but did not answer, as though he had frozen.

  112. 112

    But what was in him was not what might have been expected and what someone — Rakitin, say, watching carnivorously from his place — might now have imagined in him.

  113. 113

    The great grief of his soul swallowed up every sensation that could possibly arise in his heart, and if only he could at that moment have given himself a full accounting, he himself would have guessed that he was now in the stoutest armour against every temptation and seduction.

  114. 114

    Nevertheless, despite all the dim unaccountableness of his spiritual state and all the grief oppressing him, he could not help marvelling, in spite of himself, at one new and strange sensation being born in his heart: this woman, this "terrible" woman, not only did not frighten him now with the former fear, the fear that had once stirred in him at every fancy of a woman, if any such flickered through his soul — but, on the contrary, this woman, whom he had feared more than all others, who was sitting on his lap and embracing him, now suddenly awoke in him an altogether different, unexpected, and peculiar feeling, a feeling of some extraordinary, supreme, and utterly heartfelt curiosity about her, and all of this already without any dread, without the least trace of the former terror — and that was the chief thing, and what astonished him in spite of himself.

  115. 115

    "Come, enough of your nonsense-talk," Rakitin shouted, "better serve up some champagne — you owe it, you know yourself!"

  116. 116

    "It's true, I do owe it. For you see, Alyosha, I promised him champagne over and above everything, on your account, if he'd bring you.

  117. 117

    Out with the champagne, and I'll have a drink too! Fenya, Fenya, bring us champagne, that bottle Mitya left, run quick.

  118. 118

    Stingy as I am, I'll put out a bottle — not for you, Rakitka, you're a toadstool, but he's a prince! And though it's not him my soul is full of now, still, so be it, I'll have a drink with you too — I feel like making merry!

  119. 119

    "And what is this 'moment' of yours, and what sort of 'news' is it there, may one ask, or is it a secret?" Rakitin put in again with curiosity, doing his utmost to look as if he paid no attention at all to the digs that came flying at him incessantly.

  120. 120

    "Eh, it's no secret, and you know it yourself," Grushenka said suddenly, in a worried tone, turning her head toward Rakitin and leaning back a little from Alyosha, though still going on sitting on his lap, her arm round his neck. "The officer is coming, Rakitin, my officer is coming!"

  121. 121

    — I'd heard he was coming, but is he really so near already?

  122. 122

    — He's at Mokroye now; from there he'll send a courier to me here — he wrote so himself, I got the letter just a while ago. So here I sit, waiting for the courier.

  123. 123

    — Well I never! Why at Mokroye?

  124. 124

    — It's a long story, and you've heard quite enough.

  125. 125

    — So that's how it is for Mitenka now — oh, oh! Does he know, or doesn't he?

  126. 126

    — Know? Of course he doesn't! If he found out, he'd kill me.

  127. 127

    But I'm not in the least afraid of that now — I'm not afraid of his knife anymore.

  128. 128

    Hush, Rakitka, don't go reminding me of Dmitri Fyodorovich: he has crushed my heart to pieces.

  129. 129

    And I don't want to think about any of that this minute either. Now Alyoshechka — him I can think about, I keep looking at Alyoshechka… Come, smile at me, my dear, cheer up; smile at my foolishness, smile at my gladness… There, he smiled, he smiled! See how tenderly he looks at me.

  130. 130

    You know, Alyosha, I kept thinking you were angry with me over what happened the other day, over that young lady. I was a beast, that's what I was… But all the same it's a good thing it turned out as it did.

  131. 131

    It was a bad thing and it was a good thing — Grushenka suddenly smiled, thoughtful, and some cruel little line flickered all at once across her smile.

  132. 132

    Mitya told me she'd shouted, "She ought to be flogged!" I did offend her terribly that time.

  133. 133

    She lured me there, wanted to get the better of me, to win me over with her chocolate… No, it's a good thing it turned out so — she smiled again. — But I keep being afraid you took offense at me…

  134. 134

    — And it's true, you know — Rakitin put in suddenly, with genuine astonishment. — She really is afraid of you, Alyosha, of a little chick like you.

  135. 135

    — To you, Rakitka, he's a little chick, that's what… because you've got no conscience, that's what! But I, you see, I love him with my soul, that's what! Do you believe, Alyosha, that I love you with my whole soul?

  136. 136

    — Oh, you shameless creature! She's making you a declaration of love, Alexei!

  137. 137

    — Well, and what of it — I do love him.

  138. 138

    — And the officer? And the golden tidings from Mokroye?

  139. 139

    — That's one thing, this is another.

  140. 140

    — That's just how a woman reasons!

  141. 141

    — Don't rile me, Rakitka — Grushenka caught him up hotly. — That's one thing, this is another. I love Alyosha in a different way.

  142. 142

    It's true, Alyosha, I had a sly design on you before. After all, I'm low, I'm wild — but then at another moment I'd look at you, Alyosha, as I'd look at my own conscience.

  143. 143

    I keep thinking: "How such a one must despise me now, vile as I am." And I thought it the other day too, as I ran here from that young lady's.

  144. 144

    I noticed you like that long ago, Alyosha, and Mitya knows it — I told him. Now Mitya, he understands.

  145. 145

    Would you believe it, sometimes, truly, Alyosha, I look at you and feel ashamed, ashamed of my whole self… And just how I came to think about you, and from when, I don't know and can't remember…

  146. 146

    Fenya came in and set a tray on the table — on it an uncorked bottle and three filled glasses.

  147. 147

    — They've brought champagne! — cried Rakitin. — You're worked up, Agrafena Alexandrovna, and beside yourself. Down a glass and you'll be off dancing.

  148. 148

    Eh, but they couldn't even manage that — he added, examining the champagne. — The old woman poured it in the kitchen, brought the bottle with no cork, and warm at that. Well, let's have it anyway.

  149. 149

    He stepped up to the table, took a glass, drained it at a gulp, and poured himself another.

  150. 150

    — You don't come by champagne often — he said, licking his lips. — Come now, Alyosha, take a glass, show your mettle. What shall we drink to? To the gates of paradise? Take a glass, Grusha, you too drink to the gates of paradise.

  151. 151

    — What gates of paradise are these?

  152. 152

    She took her glass. Alyosha took his, swallowed a sip, and set the glass back down.

  153. 153

    — No, I'd rather not after all! — he smiled quietly.

  154. 154

    — And he was boasting just now! — Rakitin shouted.

  155. 155

    — Then I won't either, if that's how it is — Grushenka chimed in. — Besides, I don't feel like it. Drink the whole bottle by yourself, Rakitka. If Alyosha drinks, then I'll drink too.

  156. 156

    — Now the maudlin tenderness begins! — Rakitin needled. — And she sits there on his lap herself! He at least has his grief, but what's the matter with you? He's risen up in revolt against his God, was getting ready to gorge on sausage…

  157. 157

    — How so?

  158. 158

    — His elder died today — the elder Zosima, the holy man.

  159. 159

    — So the elder Zosima has died! — Grushenka exclaimed. — Lord, and I never knew it! — She crossed herself devoutly.

  160. 160

    — Lord, what am I doing, sitting here on his lap this very moment! — she started up suddenly as if in fright, slipped off his knees in an instant, and moved to the sofa.

  161. 161

    Alyosha gazed at her a long while in wonder, and his face seemed to light up.

  162. 162

    — Rakitin — he said suddenly, loud and firm — don't taunt me with having risen in revolt against my God. I don't want to bear any spite against you, so you be kinder too.

  163. 163

    I have lost a treasure such as you have never possessed, and you are in no position now to judge me.

  164. 164

    Look here at her instead: did you see how she spared me?

  165. 165

    I came here seeking a wicked soul — that's what drew me, because I was base and full of spite — but I have found a true sister, I have found a treasure, a loving soul… She spared me just now… Agrafena Alexandrovna, I mean you.

  166. 166

    You have just now restored my soul.

  167. 167

    Alyosha's lips trembled and his breath caught. He stopped.

  168. 168

    — As if she really had saved you! — Rakitin laughed maliciously. — Why, she wanted to swallow you whole — did you know that?

  169. 169

    — Stop, Rakitka! — Grushenka jumped up suddenly. — Be quiet, both of you. Now I'll say everything: you, Alyosha, hold your tongue, because words like yours make me ashamed — because I'm wicked, not good — that's the kind I am.

  170. 170

    And you, Rakitka, be quiet because you're lying. There was such a vile thought in me, that I wanted to swallow him — but now you're lying, now it's nothing of the sort… and don't let me hear another word from you at all, Rakitka! — All this Grushenka said with extraordinary agitation.

  171. 171

    — Look at them, both raving! — Rakitin hissed, surveying the pair of them in astonishment. — Like a couple of lunatics; it's as if I'd landed in a madhouse. They've both gone limp, they'll burst into tears any moment!

  172. 172

    — Yes, I'll burst into tears, I'll burst into tears! — Grushenka chanted. — He called me his sister, and I'll never forget it as long as I live! But there's just one thing, Rakitka: wicked as I am, I did once give away an onion.

  173. 173

    — What onion, what's all this? Pah, the devil — they really have gone mad!

  174. 174

    Rakitin marveled at their rapture and bristled with affront, though he might well have grasped that everything had just converged for the two of them in a way that shakes the soul as seldom happens in life.

  175. 175

    But Rakitin, keenly able to feel out everything that touched himself, was very crude when it came to understanding the feelings and sensations of those around him — partly out of his youthful inexperience, and partly out of his vast egoism.

  176. 176

    — You see, Alyoshechka — Grushenka suddenly laughed nervously, turning to him — I bragged to Rakitka that I gave away an onion, but to you I won't brag; to you I'll tell it with a different purpose.

  177. 177

    It's only a fable, but it's a good fable; I heard it when I was still a child, from my Matryona, who serves as my cook now.

  178. 178

    Here's how it goes: "There once lived a peasant woman, wicked through and through, and she died. And not a single virtue was left behind her.

  179. 179

    The devils seized her and flung her into the lake of fire.

  180. 180

    But her guardian angel stood there and thought: what virtue of hers might I recall, to tell it to God?

  181. 181

    He remembered one and said to God: she once pulled up an onion in her garden, he said, and gave it to a beggar woman.

  182. 182

    And God answered him: take that very onion, then, he said, and hold it out to her in the lake; let her catch hold and be pulled, and if you draw her clear of the lake, then let her go to paradise, but if the onion breaks, then the woman is to stay where she is now.

  183. 183

    The angel ran to the woman and held out the onion to her: here, woman, he said, take hold and pull.

  184. 184

    And he began drawing her up carefully, and had nearly pulled her all the way out, when the other sinners in the lake, seeing she was being drawn out, all began clutching at her, so as to be pulled up together with her.

  185. 185

    But the woman was wicked through and through, and she set to kicking them off with her feet: „It's me being pulled, not you; it's my onion, not yours.“

  186. 186

    The moment she said it, the onion snapped.

  187. 187

    And the woman fell back into the lake, and there she burns to this day.

  188. 188

    And the angel wept and went away."

  189. 189

    There's the fable for you, Alyosha; I learned it by heart, because I'm that very same wicked woman myself.

  190. 190

    To Rakitka I bragged that I gave away an onion, but to you I'll put it otherwise: in my whole life I've given away just one onion, that's all the virtue there is to me.

  191. 191

    And don't you praise me after that, Alyosha, don't take me for good; I'm wicked, wicked through and through, and if you praise me you'll shame me.

  192. 192

    Eh, but let me confess it all. Listen, Alyosha: I wanted so much to lure you to me, and I pestered Rakitka so, that I promised him twenty-five rubles if he'd bring you to me.

  193. 193

    Wait, Rakitka, wait! — She walked with quick steps to the table, opened a drawer, drew out a purse, and from it a twenty-five-ruble note.

  194. 194

    — What nonsense! What nonsense! — exclaimed the bewildered Rakitin.

  195. 195

    — Take your due, Rakitka; you won't refuse, I dare say — you asked for it yourself. — And she flung the note at him.

  196. 196

    — Refuse, why would I — Rakitin rumbled, plainly disconcerted but covering his shame with a swagger — it'll come in mighty handy for us; fools exist for the profit of the clever man.

  197. 197

    — And now be quiet, Rakitka; now everything I'm going to say isn't for your ears. Sit there in the corner and be quiet — you don't love us — so be quiet.

  198. 198

    — And just why should I love you? — Rakitin snapped, no longer hiding his spite.

  199. 199

    He stuffed the twenty-five-ruble note into his pocket, and before Alyosha he felt decidedly ashamed.

  200. 200

    He had counted on getting paid afterward, so that Alyosha would never know; and now, out of shame, he turned bitter.

  201. 201

    Until this minute he had found it very politic not to contradict Grushenka too much, in spite of all her digs, for it was plain she held some sort of power over him.

  202. 202

    But now he too lost his temper:

  203. 203

    — People are loved for some reason; and what have the two of you done for me?

  204. 204

    — You should love for no reason, the way Alyosha loves.

  205. 205

    — And how does he love you, and what has he shown you to make you carry on so?

  206. 206

    Grushenka stood in the middle of the room, speaking with fervor, and hysterical notes had crept into her voice.

  207. 207

    — Be quiet, Rakitka, you understand nothing about us! And don't you dare call me "ty" anymore — I won't allow it — and where did you get the nerve, that's what!

  208. 208

    Sit in the corner and keep quiet, like my lackey. And now, Alyosha, I'll tell the whole pure truth to you alone, so you'll see what a creature I am! Not to Rakitka — to you I'm speaking.

  209. 209

    I wanted to ruin you, Alyosha — that's the plain truth, I was quite set on it; I wanted it so much that I bribed Rakitka with money to bring you.

  210. 210

    And what was it all for? You, Alyosha, knew nothing of it; you'd turn away from me — you'd pass by and lower your eyes — while I had looked at you a hundred times before this, and began asking everyone about you.

  211. 211

    Your face stayed in my heart: "He despises me, I'd think, he won't even deign to look at me."

  212. 212

    And such a feeling took hold of me in the end that I was astonished at myself: why am I afraid of a mere boy like this? I'll swallow him whole and laugh about it. I grew thoroughly spiteful.

  213. 213

    Would you believe it: no one here dares speak or even think of coming to Agrafena Alexandrovna for any shameful business of that kind; there's only the old man, I'm bound and sold to him, Satan married us — but as for the rest, no one.

  214. 214

    But looking at you, I resolved: I'll swallow him. Swallow him and laugh about it.

  215. 215

    You see what a vicious dog I am, the one you called your sister! Now this offender of mine has come, and here I sit, waiting for word.

  216. 216

    And do you know what that offender was to me? Five years ago, when Kuzma first brought me here — I used to sit and hide from people, so no one would see or hear me; a thin little thing, foolish, I'd sit and sob, lying awake whole nights — and I'd think: "And where is he now, my offender?

  217. 217

    He's laughing, no doubt, with some other woman at me; oh, just let me set eyes on him, I'd think, just let me meet him someday: then I'll pay him back, I'll surely pay him back!"

  218. 218

    At night, in the dark, I'd sob into my pillow and turn it all over again, tearing at my own heart on purpose, soothing it with spite: "I'll pay him, oh, I'll surely pay him back!"

  219. 219

    And so I'd cry out into the dark.

  220. 220

    And then, remembering all at once that I could do nothing at all to him, while he was laughing at me now — or maybe had quite forgotten me and didn't think of me — I'd throw myself from the bed onto the floor, dissolve into helpless tears, and shake and shake until dawn.

  221. 221

    In the morning I'd get up fiercer than a dog, ready to swallow the whole world.

  222. 222

    And then, what do you think: I set to amassing capital, grew pitiless, put on weight — grew wiser, do you suppose, eh?

  223. 223

    Well, no: no one sees it or knows it in the whole wide world, but when the dark of night comes down, it's all just the same as when I was a girl, five years ago — sometimes I lie there grinding my teeth and weep the whole night through: "I'll pay him, oh, I'll surely pay him back, I think!"

  224. 224

    Did you hear all that? Well, so now how do you understand me: a month ago this very letter suddenly comes to me — he's coming, he's widowed, he wants to see me.

  225. 225

    My breath caught right then, Lord, and suddenly I thought: what if he comes and whistles for me, calls me — then I'll crawl to him like a beaten dog, like a guilty puppy!

  226. 226

    I think it and don't believe my own self: "Am I vile or not vile — will I run to him or won't I?"

  227. 227

    And such fury took hold of me, at my own self, this whole month, that it's even worse than five years ago.

  228. 228

    Do you see now, Alyosha, what a wild creature I am, how full of rage — I've laid out the whole truth to you! I was toying with Mitya so as not to run to that other one.

  229. 229

    Be quiet, Rakitka, it's not for you to judge me; I wasn't speaking to you.

  230. 230

    Until you came in I was lying here, waiting, thinking, working out my whole fate, and you'll never know what was in my heart.

  231. 231

    No, Alyosha, tell your young lady not to be angry about the other day!.. And no one in all the world knows how it is for me now, nor can they know… Because maybe today I'll take a knife with me there — I haven't decided yet…

  232. 232

    And having uttered this "pitiful" word, Grushenka suddenly broke down, did not finish, hid her face in her hands, threw herself onto the sofa into the cushions, and wept like a little child.

  233. 233

    Alyosha rose from his place and went over to Rakitin.

  234. 234

    — Misha — he said — don't be angry. She has wronged you, but don't be angry. Did you hear her just now? You can't demand so much of a person's soul — you must be more merciful.

  235. 235

    Alyosha said this in an irrepressible outpouring of the heart.

  236. 236

    He had to speak his feeling out, and he turned to Rakitin. Had Rakitin not been there, he would have cried it out aloud, alone.

  237. 237

    But Rakitin looked at him mockingly, and Alyosha suddenly stopped.

  238. 238

    — They primed you with your elder just now, and now you've let fly at me with your elder, Alyoshenka, little man of God — Rakitin said with a hateful smile.

  239. 239

    — Don't laugh, Rakitin, don't sneer, don't speak of the departed: he stood higher than anyone who ever walked the earth! — Alyosha cried with tears in his voice.

  240. 240

    — I didn't stand up to speak to you as a judge, but myself as the lowest of the accused. What am I before her?

  241. 241

    I came here to ruin myself, and I kept saying, 'So be it, so be it!' — and all of that out of my own cowardice; while she, after five years of torment, the moment someone first came and spoke a sincere word to her, forgave it all, forgot it all, and weeps!

  242. 242

    The man who wronged her has come back, he calls to her, and she forgives him everything, and runs to him in joy, and will not take up the knife, she will not!

  243. 243

    No, I am not like that. I do not know whether you are like that, Misha, but I am not! I have today, this very moment, learned this lesson… She stands higher in love than we do…

  244. 244

    Have you ever heard from her before what she has just told us? No, you have not; if you had, you would long ago have understood everything… And the other one too, the woman she wronged the day before yesterday — let her be forgiven as well! And she will be forgiven, once she comes to know… and she will come to know…

  245. 245

    This soul is not yet reconciled, it must be spared… in that soul there may be a treasure…

  246. 246

    Alyosha fell silent, because his breath gave out.

  247. 247

    Rakitin, for all his spite, looked on in astonishment. Never had he expected such a tirade from the gentle Alyosha.

  248. 248

    "Look, an advocate has sprung up! So you have fallen in love with her, have you? Agrafena Alexandrovna, our little fast-keeper really has fallen in love with you — you have conquered him!" he cried out with an insolent laugh.

  249. 249

    Grushenka lifted her head from the pillow and gazed at Alyosha with a tender smile that broke out over her face, somehow suddenly swollen with the tears she had just shed.

  250. 250

    "Leave him be, Alyosha, my cherub — you can see what he is like; you have found someone worth talking to.

  251. 251

    I had meant, Mikhail Osipovich," she said, turning to Rakitin, "I had meant to ask your pardon for cursing at you, but now I have no wish to again.

  252. 252

    Alyosha, come to me, sit down here," she beckoned to him with a joyful smile, "there, like that, sit down here, and tell me" (she took him by the hand and, smiling, peered into his face), "tell me: do I love that man or not?

  253. 253

    The man who wronged me — do I love him or not? I lay here in the dark before you came, questioning my heart over and over: do I love him or not?

  254. 254

    Settle it for me, Alyosha, the hour has come; whatever you decide, so it shall be. Am I to forgive him or not?

  255. 255

    "But you have already forgiven him," Alyosha said with a smile.

  256. 256

    "Why, so I have forgiven him," Grushenka said thoughtfully. "What a base heart it is! Here's to my base heart!" — she suddenly snatched a glass from the table, drained it at a gulp, raised it, and flung it hard to the floor.

  257. 257

    The glass shattered and rang out. Some cruel little line flickered across her smile.

  258. 258

    "But then again, perhaps I have not forgiven him after all," she said, somehow menacingly, lowering her eyes to the ground, as though she were speaking to herself alone. "Perhaps my heart is only just preparing to forgive.

  259. 259

    I'll wrestle with my heart yet. You see, Alyosha, I have come to love my five years of tears terribly… Perhaps it is only my hurt that I have come to love, and not him at all!

  260. 260

    "Well, I shouldn't want to be in his skin!" Rakitin hissed.

  261. 261

    "And you never will be, Rakitka, you will never be in his skin. You'll be sewing shoes for me, Rakitka — that's the use I'll put you to — but a woman like me you will never have… And perhaps he won't have her either…

  262. 262

    "Won't he, though? Then why did you dress yourself up?" Rakitin needled her spitefully.

  263. 263

    "Don't reproach me with my finery, Rakitka, you don't yet know all that's in my heart! If I choose, I'll tear off this dress, I'll tear it off this minute, this very second," she cried out ringingly.

  264. 264

    You don't know what this finery is for, Rakitka! Perhaps I'll go out to him and say, 'Have you ever seen me look like this, or not yet?'

  265. 265

    Why, he left me a seventeen-year-old, thin, consumptive little crybaby.

  266. 266

    I might sit down beside him, lead him on, set him on fire: 'Take a look at the woman I am now,' I'll say, 'well, and there you stay with that, my dear sir — it ran down your moustache but never reached your mouth!' — so that, perhaps, is what this finery is for, Rakitka," Grushenka finished with a malicious little laugh.

  267. 267

    I'm a wild thing, Alyosha, a furious thing. I'll tear off my finery, I'll maim myself, my beauty, I'll burn my face and slash it with a knife, I'll go out begging for alms.

  268. 268

    If I choose, I won't go anywhere now, not to anyone; if I choose, tomorrow I'll send Kuzma back everything he ever gave me, and all his money too, and go off myself to a lifetime of day labor!..

  269. 269

    Do you think I won't do it, Rakitka, that I won't dare? I will, I will, I can do it this minute — only don't provoke me… and that other man I'll drive off, I'll thumb my nose at him, he'll never have me!

  270. 270

    These last words she shrieked out hysterically, but again she could not hold herself in, covered her face with her hands, threw herself into the pillow, and was once more shaken with sobbing.

  271. 271

    Rakitin rose from his seat.

  272. 272

    "It's time," he said, "it's late, they won't let us into the monastery."

  273. 273

    Grushenka fairly sprang up from her place.

  274. 274

    "You don't mean you want to go, Alyosha!" she exclaimed in grieving amazement. "What are you doing to me now: you have stirred me all up, torn me to pieces, and now this night again, again I'm left alone!"

  275. 275

    "He can hardly spend the night with you, can he? But if he wants to — let him! I'll go on my own!" Rakitin jeered cuttingly.

  276. 276

    "Be quiet, you wicked soul," Grushenka cried at him furiously. "You never once spoke to me the kind of words he came to say."

  277. 277

    "What on earth did he say to you?" Rakitin grumbled irritably.

  278. 278

    "I don't know, I can't tell, I can't tell at all what it was he said to me; it spoke to my heart, he turned my heart over inside me… He took pity on me first, he alone — that's what! Why didn't you come before, my cherub?" — and she suddenly fell to her knees before him, as if beside herself.

  279. 279

    All my life I have waited for someone like you, I knew that someone of that kind would come and forgive me. I believed that someone would love me too, vile as I am, and not for my shame alone!..

  280. 280

    "What have I done for you?" answered Alyosha, smiling tenderly, bending down to her and gently taking her by the hands. "I gave you an onion, one tiny little onion, only that, only that!.."

  281. 281

    And, having said it, he himself began to weep.

  282. 282

    At that moment a noise suddenly broke out in the entry; someone had come into the front room; Grushenka jumped up as if in terrible fright.

  283. 283

    Fenya came running into the room with noise and shouting.

  284. 284

    "Mistress, my darling, mistress, a courier has galloped up!" she cried gaily and out of breath. "A carriage has come from Mokroye for you, Timofey the driver with a troika, they're harnessing fresh horses this minute… A letter, a letter, mistress, here's a letter!"

  285. 285

    The letter was in her hand, and all the while she shouted she waved it about in the air.

  286. 286

    Grushenka snatched the letter from her and held it up to the candle. It was only a note, a few lines; in an instant she had read it through.

  287. 287

    "He has called!" she cried, all pale, her face twisted with a pained smile. "He has whistled! Crawl to him, little dog!"

  288. 288

    But she stood for only an instant, as if in indecision; then suddenly the blood rushed to her head and flooded her cheeks with fire.

  289. 289

    "I'm going!" she exclaimed all at once. "My five years! Farewell! Farewell, Alyosha, my fate is decided… Go, go, go away from me now, all of you, so that I never see you again!.."

  290. 290

    Grushenka has flown off into a new life… Don't you remember me unkindly either, Rakitka. Perhaps I'm going to my death! Ugh! As though I were drunk!

  291. 291

    She suddenly left them and ran into her bedroom.

  292. 292

    "Well, she has no time for us now!" Rakitin grumbled. "Let's go, or that womanish wailing will likely start up again — I've had enough of these tearful cries…"

  293. 293

    Alyosha let himself be led out mechanically. In the yard stood the carriage; they were unharnessing the horses, moving about with a lantern, bustling. Through the opened gates a fresh troika was being led in.

  294. 294

    But no sooner had Alyosha and Rakitin come down from the porch than suddenly the window of Grushenka's bedroom flew open, and in a ringing voice she called out after Alyosha:

  295. 295

    "Alyoshechka, bow for me to your brother Mitenka, and tell him not to remember me, his wicked one, unkindly.

  296. 296

    And pass on to him, too, in my own words: 'Grushenka has fallen to a scoundrel, and not to you, the noble one!'

  297. 297

    And add this for him as well, that Grushenka loved him for one little hour, only one little hour she loved him in all — so let him remember that one hour all his life from this day on, tell him that's the order Grushenka lays on you for the rest of your days!.."

  298. 298

    She finished in a voice full of sobs. The window slammed shut.

  299. 299

    "Hm, hm!" Rakitin mumbled, laughing. "She's done in her brother Mitenka, and on top of it orders him to remember her all his life. What a carnivorous creature!"

  300. 300

    Alyosha made no answer, just as if he had not heard; he walked quickly at Rakitin's side, as though in a dreadful hurry; he was as if in a daze, walking mechanically.

  301. 301

    Something suddenly pricked at Rakitin, as if a finger had touched a fresh little wound of his. This was not at all what he had been expecting earlier, when he had brought Grushenka and Alyosha together; something quite different had happened, and not what he would very much have liked.

  302. 302

    "He's a Pole, that officer of hers," he began again, restraining himself, "and he's not even an officer at all now; he served as a customs clerk in Siberia, somewhere out there on the Chinese frontier — some puny little Polack, I should think.

  303. 303

    Lost his post, they say. Now he's heard that Grushenka has come into some capital, and so he's come back — that's the whole of the wonder."

  304. 304

    Again Alyosha seemed not to hear.

  305. 305

    Rakitin could not contain himself:

  306. 306

    "Well, have you converted the sinful woman?" he laughed spitefully at Alyosha. "Brought the harlot back to the path of truth? Cast out the seven devils, eh? So that's where they are, those much-awaited miracles of ours from earlier — they've come to pass!"

  307. 307

    "Stop it, Rakitin," Alyosha responded with suffering in his soul.

  308. 308

    "Is it that you 'despise' me now for those twenty-five rubles from earlier? Sold a true friend, you mean. But you're no Christ, and I'm no Judas."

  309. 309

    "Ah, Rakitin, I assure you, I'd even forgotten about that," exclaimed Alyosha, "you've only just reminded me of it yourself…"

  310. 310

    But by now Rakitin had grown thoroughly enraged.

  311. 311

    "The devil take the lot of you, every single one!" he suddenly bawled. "And why the devil did I ever get mixed up with you! I want nothing more to do with you from this day on. Go on alone, there's your road!"

  312. 312

    And he turned off sharply into another street, leaving Alyosha alone in the dark. Alyosha walked out of the town and went across the fields toward the monastery.

The particulars

The text
Братья Карамазовы, Fyodor Dostoevsky. Book VII — Alyosha.
Translation
Public-domain Russian (Dostoevsky, d. 1881). Translation © 2026 1732 Studios.
Words
Every word of the text, by letter.
Data
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Two whoopie pies and a pine. An inside joke.